Awesome Pokemon Sitcom: Season 3, The Lost Episodes
by ThatMasterLemon
Summary: More episodes, more views :D
1. Season 3 Prologue

The main 3 aren't coping well with life at the pub. Gyarados is a farm n fAir fther figure, but they won't except his kindness because they're ungrateful little shits. They yearn for the doog old days of selling junk. However, gyrados owon't pay them and they have to make do with cleaning gum off the pub tables. Although the pub is still a great place for ewacky adventures. This time, there are some new friends and enemies which the group encounter. These include Raichu the well-meaning but fucking idiotic news reporter, Sandlash the ice cream man, and the evil Seventeeno Honchkrow, a member of the mysterious mafia. Tyranitar, Excadrill, Aegislash, Gyarados, Salamence, Conkeldurr and Garchomp undergo some more wacky adventures. These include a gruelling balloon ride, a pub documentary, Tyranitar's attempt to turn the pub into a cheese shop, an epic battle with the mafia, and even a death of a beloved friend. This is the best series yet.

"Redeemed Season 2"

-Kotaku

"I cried when Conk died"

-Bob Chipman


	2. Chapter 13: Flaming Gyarados

(The pub its all hands on dicky deck)

Gyarados said excadrill, tyranitar garchomp aegislash its all handz on dicky deck!

Excadrill said Tyranitar, what are you doing?

Tyranitar said Oh, just getting some drinks ready.

Aegislash said It's a friday night and wapeople want thri fucking dinks. stop flying around you jam tart

Excadrill said Its a rush our hour fat fucking sack of shit who the world be better without/

Tyranitar said I don't care what you think, im going to make a drink which will change this pub for good

Garchomp said yo ho ho, stop having funny fun

*aegislash flashes a flashy flash cannon at garchomp

Aegislash said poop you slug! go in the bin!

Tyranitar said why did you do that you little banana?

Aegislash said garchomp is bossy hers better off dead.

Excadrill said You do realize that there is a still ton of fucking scallywg left to serve. and no, we're not reviving a bit of this and a bit of beer.

Tyranitar said POOOOOOOOO! *fartz*

Gyarados said Hurry up! the cutazard mers are getting hungry angry and cross

Aegislash said I thinking your reddustbin. i'm better than.

Tyranitar said Duck that, I want to reinnovate the pub

Gyarados said No pudding tonight

Excadrill said ha ha ha ha ha ha h ah a yay!

Aegislash said I DONT CAR!

Tyranitar said This is all ur fawlt. aegislash your a snitch

Excadrill said garchomp was grassing you up.

TYranitar said garchomp was just looking out for his shipmates.

Excadrill said You such a pig Tyranitar

(Tyranitar gave a funny face you should laughing at that funny joke)

Aegislash said You whiny little shit, I do what I want.

You don't have a shadow of a doubt.

Gyarados said Get those scallywags ready or else. The bus driver hasn't got all evening.

Tyranitar said yeah, cuz he needs to hve a yummy ewank.

Excadrill said why is bus driver os impatient anyway.

Gyarados said BecAUse hes on da coach tour. Now hurry curry durry up or i'll kill you.

Excadrill said Guess what?

Aegislash said What you who?

Excadrill said I'm going to get some scallywage ready on the double

Aegislash said fool! no one fucking uses on the double anymore.

Tyranitar said I do when i order food

Excadrill said fatsioooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolol

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Aegislash said I WANT FOOD!

Tyranitar said You should've fought of that goofing around

Excadrill said ive got all the drinks ready.

Tyranitar said Good idea. I hope they do crisps!

Excadrill said Your fat Tubster!

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Aegislash said I WANT SHADOW JUICE!

TYranitar said Then go and get some you bacon slice!

Gyarados said No food or drink until you have done some yummy work.

(at the bus driver's tabel)

Snorlax said You took too long i dont want them anymore.

Tyranitar said fine, i wanted to use these dinks for something wanwyay.

Excadrill said The innocent pub is a pubload of fun.

Snorlax said You should like me because im more concerned about the bus driving. the town of edge feels more industrialised now.

Gyarados said If you're not having the beers you still have to pay the bill

Snorlax said I deserve a ben for my troubles.

Tyranitar said HALT! I don't even know what a ben is.

Gyarados said It means that you get a rrrrrrrrrrrrefund if you have been hassled.

Excadrill said giv it up fishface its all your fault

Gyarados said Don't call me nat! BTW its all your fault for breathing and wasting time.

Aegislash said Giv us r usual or it will be be your life.

Gyarados said You deserve a glass of wee wee for your troubles. What the flying fuckarrooney were you doing in da kitchin anyway?

Tyranitar said Making a cocktail which will beat your scallywag.

Excadrill said No you were jerking off to a jar of ketchup.

Tyranitar said (Laugh now)

Salamence said Why do we keep them around?

Tyranitar said Can i have a ham sandwich?

Gyarados said Conk, make him a cheese sandwich

Tyranitar said but i said ham

Gyarados said Ham it is.

Aegislash said Your a dip dip doo head

Conkeldurr said Call me granny!

Aegislash said shit is higher on the food chain than you. you're in between shit and garchomp!

Gyarados said Let's get on with the plot. Why were you jerking off to some ketchup?

Tyranitar (trying to move the plot forward) said I'll have some scallywag visitor...said no one

Garchomp said but everyone loves scallywag.

Gyarados said indeed

Aegislash said I'll have some shadowjuice! It drenches my life in shadow.

Conkeldurr said I'll die if i don'tt haz scallywag everyday

Gyarados said Scallywag is what's making da worl gd gof go by

Tyranitar said I plan on introducing my own drink.

Gyarados said Remember waht happened last time?

Excadrill said Tyranitar got told off. hah ah ah ah ah ahha hhah ha

Salamence said Alright calm down!

Tyranitar said Can i talk about my drink please?

Garchomp said Yohoho i want to hear da dink!

Aegislash said is it super size shadow juice?

Gyarados; I think it would be best to have it in the board meeting. room.

Excadrill said if i hip it fails s.

(In the board room, gyarados is bored and turniptar is ready to tell him about flaming good idea.)

Tyranitar said is everyone ready?

Excadrill said Where's gyarados?

Gyarados said OVER HERE!

Aegislash said What have you done?

Gyarados said I've managed to turn myself into da pickle

Tyranitar said lol wat

Gyarados said I'M PICKLE RICCCKKK GYARADOS

Excadril said We have no fucking ime for dat

Aegislash said Fool, we can't have a pickle running the pub

Gyarafos said don't be so racist

#punchanevilpubcustomer

Tyranitar said Okay, take some white wine.

Gyarados said i'm not a pickle anymore i'll kill you if scallywage or coniac is are used.

Snap said im so glad gyarados is running the pub and not a fucking pickle!

Tyranitar said you then put a ketchup and mayo mix in and set it alight

Gyarados said (interested) show it toooooooo meeeeeeee!

Tyranitar said You will be shocked.

Gyarados said For wacky hijinks, you have to have two other kindly crew members with you.

Tyranitar said can i choose?

Gyarados said ok

Tyranitar said Hahaha

Excadrill said how did it go?

Gyarados said tyranitar is going to test it. salamence, get the bus driver some chocolate chip cookies with crap in the centre as a refund/

Salamence said yes ma deer.

Garchomp said Yar har har, can i try the new dink?

Tyranitar said I need you and excadrill to help me make it.

Gyarados said You know what

(in the dining area)

Conkeldurr said I don't like the bus driver.

Aegislash said i don't like you.

Salamence said The news isn't tv

Aegislash said You don't deserve a single look at my shadow times nor my playboy collection/

Conkeldurr said My collection is bigger than yours.

Aegislash said I think your playboy collection is useless to resist.

Gyarados said I was on playboy once

Salamence said I think there's a sign of life on the new' channel.

Voice said I'm afraid news is cancelled tonight.

Salamence said Baby boring bum

Gyarados said Smelly

Conkeldurr said little shit

Voice said Could we cut with the swearing? Ampharos Newscaster has just died today, the killer will be found and told off soon.

Salamence said As you know, his very last news story was about Hydreigon going to prison.

Gyarados said PWISON!

Aegislash said Hydreigon deserved to got to go to prison. He put cancer into one of his jokes.

Conkeldurr said I hope he drops the soap. I know what i would do in that moment ofweakwnes of weakness. (starts wiggling his finges fingers PENIS)

Salamence said No more news.

Aegislash said It was becoming fake anyway

(SUDDENLY! An Alola Raichu enters the room. It looks flustered. Aww)

Gyarados said Go away!

Raichu said B-b-b-b-but he the door said open

Conkeldurr said (hits raichu) gyarados runs the pub, he says what goes.

Salamence said What do you want?

Aegislash said Would you like some shadow juice?

Raichu said y-y-y-y-y-eah.

Gyarados said I'm afraid no cocktails are being offered. we're testing a new bland

Salamence said pity it's being made by POUR PEOPLE!

Aegislash said Then a silly scallywank it is then.

Gyarados said Ohh, chip in the old leg

Salamence said Basil! Have you asked him if he wants a room?

Aegislash said Your the queen of the castle.

Conkeldurr said I AM!

(He tries to hit Aegislash and fails. What a fucking idiot!)

Aegislash said I'm a shadow warrior. Your stupid combat will never work.

Conkeldurr said I WIN! I fought in the civil war.

Gyarados said Yeah, stop wasting everyone's time and get this customer a scallywag.

Conkeldurr said I WANT BEER!

Aegislash said Wait you tyyurn turn you boggie!

Raichu said I'm a girl and I don't want a room.

(Conk starts staring at her chest. He looks out of breath. Even more so than usual)

Gyarados said Good that means you wont be having bed n brekky.

Conkeldurr said I WANT BED N BREKKY!

Aegislash said I thin ur sly sluj

Raichu said I would like to see the inns one day though

Gyarados said You have to pay though

Aegislash said Gyarados loves money as much as I love porn of the corn flakes hen

Salamence said Nya nya nyaaaaaaaaaaa. That means it will be called the PORN flakes hen.

Aegislash said Hmph!

Gyarados said Here's your scallywag.

Raichu said Thank you! What do you have to eat?

Conkeldurr said I'm starving, I'm old.

Raichu said I asked first senior gentleman.

Conkeldurr said CALL E GRANNY

Aegislash said expect nothing more than a bag of stale crisps. his food will never be esetellaer stellar uunless he starts doing shadow burger.

Conkeldurr said He does a good handwitch.

Tyranitar said It's done!

Gyarados said The cocktail?

Aegislash said if it replaces shadow juice, then i'm blowing up the pub with conk in it.

Garchomp said Yo ho ho, its really really hot.

Salamence said It looks wild. How much are you charging it for?

Tyranitar said Hold your hores, i haven'td described the creative process.

Conkeldurr said In all my travels and in all my years.

Raichu said Did you say new drink? New cocktail? This could be the latest scoop!

Aegislash said Scoop of conk's blood said)!

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GRANNY

Gyarados said Scoop!

Tyranitar said You plan on making this public!?

Salamence said We still don't know if its any good.

Tyranitar said Okay I'll explain. I grab some white wine, mix both ketchup n mustard, pour some vodka, set it alight and fart on it.

Garchomp said yar har har i farted on it this time.

Tyranitar said You can still smell it now.

Gyarados said I'm coursehously optimistic. I'll ave a taste.

Tyranitar said Sure, go ahead.

Excadrill said I'll grab betty so you can vomit in her.

Aegislash said She's probably loaded with enough shit already.

Salamence said I get my beers on the cheap

Excadrill said yeah shut up

Garchomp said we all worked as a pirate crew to make this.

(Gyarados swallows the drink. He looks shocked!)

Gyarados said This is really really good!

(Tyranitar, Excadrill and Garchomp beam with pride!)

Excadrill said How much are you charging it for?

Gyarados said £20 a glass. I'll call it Flaming Gyarados. Made by me!

Conkeldurr said That's a beautiful name. It will be worth every penny.

Tyranitar said That was my idea! Give it back meanie!

Gyarados said You're lucky to be alive. I run the pub, I say what goes.

Excadrill said Me and a garchomp sould be paid part of the royalties for each flaming gyarados sold and tyranitat should get a kinder egg toy for each one sold.

Gyarados said Shit up! You probably just watched. If you work for me, you have to follow my rules.

Aegislash said That#'s like calling shadow juice gyaradish juice. it wil be taking a massive poo on it.

Garchomp said yar har har welcome aboradrd aboard flaimigngo gyarados!

Salamence said See! Garchomp obeys the rules!

Raichu said This is getting intense!

Excadrill said Don't I know you? Cousin Raichu!

Tyranitar said I didn't know you ahd a cousin. Gyarados is a greedy piece of cowpat. the evil twin is better.

Raichu said Great to see you.

(They hug for a good minute. Excadrill begins running his fingers down Raichu's back. Raichu responds to excadrill with a kiss)

Aegislash said Will be mentioned in the scoop?

Tyranitar said Will I be credited?

Raichu said There's too much to discuss here.

Excadrill said pubs, drinks, arguments, renunions, romacce, romance, sex, eastereneerss eastender seat eastensder eastenders season over 9000 must be being hot shot here.)()()()()()()(

Raichu said I'm going to enter the newscasting carrerr big with an innocet pub documentary.

Aegislash said I had better get top billing. Otherwise the world of shadows will make you answer!

Tyranitar said It had better say that I made this cocktai.

Gyarados said Nope, I'm overseeing the prokjet. You 3 won't be in it.

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Raichu said Nope, every worker will be here.

Excadrill said Hang on, did you say newscasting? You could take veover ampharos newscaster's job.

Aegislash said I remember a newscaster reporting our lottery loss. IT WAS TRAGIC! I WNT TE MILLUION S BACK!

Tyranitar said We could have been million men if was credited for this drink

this could sell for a fortune.

Excadrill said Alrgith we get it.

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Salamence said If you're so upset, why don't you call it flaming gyarados and tubbytar.

Tyranitar said Can it be tyranitar and prisonboy?

Gyarados said yeah don't push your luck you fat shit!

Excadrill said Wait a second, this is your first time at the pub. Why do you want to make a documentary.

Raichu said Everyone seems so loveable. I think the world would like to meet you.

Tyranitar said Especially me. I could help you if you like.

Gyarados said When will the documentary be shot?

Raichu said Tomorrow night.

Salamence said Thenyou'll need to act t fast deer.

Raichu said I plan on shooting the outside and recoring the hostory tomorrow.

Aegislash said You've never eaten a tomato?

Raichu said They're okay but i believe you should have 5 crepes a day.

Excadrill said NO! You'll die if you don't have enough fruit and veg.

Aegislash said I WANT SHADOW JUICE

Gyarados said You already had some at the pub. Now go to sleep, we have a big day ahead of us.

(midnight)

Tyranitar said WAK UP WANKERS, WE'RE GOIN TO KILL GAYRADOS!

Excadrill said Let me continuing masturbating for a bit.

Aegislash said I dont care abotu your ordeal.

Tyranitar said 2 bad

Garchomp said i wdoent want to cause a mutnee

Tyranitar said too bad, i will run the pub from here on

Excadrill said that will give cousin raichu lots to talk about

Garchomp said SHall I get the cutlasses.

Aegislash said I'm going tto sulk on the roof.

Tyranitar said (wobbly falsetto) no money for you.

Excadrill said more like no money for poo

Aegislash said DONT CALL ME POO YOU COCKWORK MOOSE

Tyranitar said cutlasses shall not be need. (he hands garchomp a disc)

Excadrill said What's that.

Tyrantar said Stone Edge. we oculd use it strike gyarados when hes off guard.

Garchomp said That nots the sailors way. i'll fight with my own cutlass

Excadrill said You coduldnt hurt a fluyyy

Aegislash said I never did get my midnight fight. But tonight it shall be

Tyranitar said good we need your skills as a shadow warrior

Excadrill said this won't work, garchomp is weak and aegislash doesn't know much which can harm gyarados. wat do yu know anyway?

Tyranitar said I know thundervolt.

Excadrill said most of the police know electric moves, this could bring him to his kneees

Garchomp said but hes a snake in a barrel

Gyarados said Snake in a barrel

Aegislash said FOOL" ! YOU WOKE HIM UP! NOW I'LL NEVER GET MY MIDNIGHT FIGHT!

Tyranitar said Fine, i'll spike his morning cuppa tomorrow.

Excadrill said Fine, let's go to sleep.

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

(They settle down for the big sleep)

(The next morning. Tyranitar sneaks downstairs to see slaamince making coffee for gyarados. Tyranirgtra is beign naaughty)

Tyranitar said Gyarados wants you to have a rest. I'll make the coffee.

Salamence said Why should I trust you?

Tyranitar said Err you see, i want to apologise for the flaming ggyaraods shenanigansiedn tosn.

Salamence said Then i'll jutst get the bread and marmolade out.

Tyranitar said I need the space when i work.

Salamence said no you don;t.

Garchomp said yar har hr we want to posion gyarados!

Tyranitar said hes been at the brandy/

Salamence said IM TELLING!

Raichu said Is something wrong?

Salamence said you can't film in the kitchen!

Garchomp said yo ho ho im finally on tv

Tyranitar said Fine, make the beer have it your way

Salamence said if you kill gayaradod ill kill you!

Raichu said God, you stink!

Salamence said His farts warent bad as bad as conk's

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GGRANNY!

Raichu said Have you ever had a bath?

Conkeldurr said I only have one with your dead wife.

Raichu said I never had a wife.

Salamence said He meant his dead wife.

Raichu said ah! now that is a bgoof clinceher!

Garchomp said blown the man down, i have only had a bath once a year.

Raichu said Rthen you could have one to look nice for the documentary.

(Garchomp takes his clothes off and goes upstairs)

Garchomp said yo ho ho, time for the tubby tub!

Gyarados said PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

(that afternoon, flaming gyarDOses are selling like hotcakes. tyranitar enters, he is carrying his mobile phone)

Tyranitar said Right gyarados, i'm dialing 999 unless you credit me. you ungenerous meanie/

Gyarados said I'm genrous, just like my prices, ive done not wroong im innocent.

Tyranitar said Well then?

Gyarados said Even if you do arrest me, the wine used was smuggled

Aegislash said FOOL! IS ANYTHING LEGAL HERE!?

Tyranitar said fat chance.

Excadrill said If we do beat gayardos, will we get some of the moneyt too?

Tyranitar said maybe!

Excadrill said we hate gyarados

Raichu said Fight! Right! I;'ve almost done. I just nee td ou you yo to answer an interview. Every member is being interviewed for this documentary.

Salamence said Even the semi skilled ones?

Raichu said Yes, even garchomp.

Conkeldurr said Can I be interviewed?

Raichu said Youre pub verteran, i need an interview from you.

Conkeldurr said Ladies first and that means me.

(the stink leaves)

Gyarados said Phew!

Garchomp said Yar har har. I met up with my pirate crew!

Excadrill said Really?

Tyranitar said Did you tell them about flaming tyranitar?

Gyarados said Whats a flaming tyranitar?

(Tyranitars aims the lighter at the pub runner)

Tyranitar said What you will become!

Excadrill said We have you cornered! Share or your going to prison

Gyarados said PWISON

Salamence said LEAVE BASIL ALONE!

(He hits tyranitar with the frying pan)

Excadrill said Nice one!

Tyranitar said Doh!

Gyarados said Thanks madeer! you sure saved my bacon which customers won't be having in bed.

Raichu said Garchomp, you're next!

(Raichu interviews each of them, she eventually interviews Tyranitar)

Raichu said Thank you! That should do it.

Tyranitar said Hey, do you have the pub's address for the documentary?

Raichu said no

Tyranitar said It's on this piece of paper here. It could be useful for the documentary.

(Raichu doesn't hesitate to take make bake it)

Raichu said I tried asking gyarados and salamence for this to no avail.

Tyranitar said Then consider it your lucky day.

(He is about to leave)

Tyranitar said Don't tell gyarados i told you.

(At the pub casino)

Gyarados said I have the joker, I win.

Raichu said Hey, can I film some of you playing a game which isn't cards.

Gyarados said we don't have much other than a table tennis set which isn't in mint condition

Salamence said Basil! Share the table tennis set with the rest of the crew.

Garchomp said I say we play pirates

Excadrill said I say we play golf

Aegislash said I say we jerk off.

Conkeldurr said I say we play CONKers!

Tyranitar said I say we play pool!

Excadrill said None of us know how to play.

Aegislash said Huh?

Tyranitar said None of us know how to play golf either.

Gyarados said Excellent idea, Glad i fought of it

Excadrill said Sigh! I WANT TO PLAY GOLF!

Salamence said We don't have a set.

Garchomp said We're not using cannonballs as soonooker balls.

Tyranitar said I have these.

Excadrill said Pebbles?

Aegislash said Better than muffin. What are the dark cues? I had better have the black one!

Gyarados said I get to choose the cue colours as I run the pub.

Tyranitar said Use tese!

Salamence said nya nya nya! THEY'RE FELT TIP PENS!

Aegislash said I WATN THE BLACK ONE!

Raichu said There are only 4 here. Whoa are playing.

Gyaraods said I need to play sp I cn win!

Tyranitar said Excadrill, Aegisalsh, you two know how to steel the show.

Excadrill said HHa ha ha, that was really funny!

Conkeldurr said I'll beat all you windbreakers.

Raichu said It's settled.

Tyranitar said Right, Salamence, Garchomp, fancy some drinks?

Salamence said I'll have a flaming gyarados.

Garchomp said Wheres the brandy.

Tyranitar said Garchomp, you don't nlieked brandy. Salamence, You can't have a flaming gyarados unless you call it flaming tyranitar

Salamence said NEVER!

Conkeldurr said I WANT BEER!

Aegislash said Fool, you cant both drink beer and play pool!

Tyranitar said One scallywag for garchomp and one coniac for salamcne it is.

Garchomp said MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN THE JOLLY RIDGER!

(gyarados, excadrill, aegisash and conk grnny start playing. heyr're not having fun.)

Gyarados said Come on conk, hurry up!

Aegislash said CONK HAS NO BRAIN! I DESTROYED IT!

Excadrill said How could we play this with such shit equipment

Tyranitar said git gud

Conkeldurr said I like this versio n of pool. its how i played in my young faday.

Excadrill said hurry up conk!

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GRANNY!

Gyarados said Just let me win!

Conkeldurr said Beat this!

(He is the first to put a pebble in da hole)

Aegislash said I have to win!

(he goes on the table and puses another pebble in the hole.

Gyarados said your getting your drinks on da expensive for thos

(he pushes aegislash off!)

Aegislash said its not fair. conks not allowed to win.

Conkeldurr said Call me granny said

Garchomp said yar har har pirate enemy sword fight! DRAW YER SWORDZ!

Excadrill said Everyone calm down. Let's ust play without aegislash

Aegislash said this game is fucking crap anyway!

(he knocks the table over)

Aegislash said I'M DA COOELEST!

Conkeldurr said Your a bully! KILL YOURSELF!

Excadrill said Shut up everyone!

Conkeldurr said (hits excadrill) YOU SHIT UP!

Gyarados said (hits excadrill) Yeah, your just a bossy breat!

Aegislash said (Hurls a dshadow ball at gyarados) Fight eme like a man!

Excadrill said guys top!stop!

Tyranitar said This is awesome! Popcorn anyone!

Salamence said Please! I'm rooting for gayarados.

Garchomp said Two for the cap;n.

Gyarados said Fine, i'll fight you!

(he pokes aegislash's eye with the felt tip pen. this causes him to cry)

Aegislash said BOO HOO HOO! YOUR SO MEAN!

(he throws a pebble at gyarados)

Conkeldurr said GO GYARADOS!

Aegislash said you shat on the idea of breathigg. you little piece oof cauliflower!

Excadrill said Guys, the camera is on!

Aegislash said YOU SMELL OF SHIT!

Gyarados said ...

Conkeldurr said ...

Aegislash said ...hmph!

Conkeldurr said I'm starving, i'm old

Raichu said Well, final results?

Excadrill said uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Gyarados said I WIN!

Aegislash said CHEATER! I hope you scrub prison floors

Gyarados said PWISON!

Conkeldurr said I WANTED TO WIN!

Tyranitar said How's the project now Raichu?

Raichu said I need a week to edit it. You'll be the first to view it.

(the next eek. eeryone is excited to see the big video)

Salamence said Everyone got a comfortable seat?

Tyranitar said We don't need to have a boring conk scene for that do we?

Garchomp said yo ho ho, its a big beefer's life for me!

Excadrill said As you know, gyarados isn't here because he needs to serve flaming gyaradoses to the hungry customers.

Raichu said Ready to vie thw documentary?

Garchomp said Aye aye cap'n!

Aegislash said Fine, lets watch the fucking video!

(the documentary startes. there is a narrator describing the pub)

The innocen t pub is considered by many of the best pubs is in tallkey. the beer is good and legal, and the food is tasty. but its not just the beer and food we're interested in here. the people, the workers and the history are important

too. firstly, what is the pub's niche?

(it cuts to an inerview of gyarados)

Gyarados said Many things. Scallywag is the finest beer which you can only buy here. I'm afraid I can never giive you the secret formula. I have my own team which I like to call the kindly krew. These includr my workers and my

regulars. There is no I in team, but there is an I in innocent. Meaning there is an I in my team. I run the pub and some members of my crew are better than others.

(The narrator returns)

The innocent pub's history is unkniwn. There are little answers from the oldest people within the area as to what it looked like 50 or so years ago.

Conkeldurr said Ive been going to the pub for a jolly good 30 or 40 YEAAARS! I knew gyarados when he was a really young windbreaker! I still remember when his dad ran the pub! He wasn't as good though. Gyarados, Baasil,

Gyarados that is, saw tus through a civil war, a corpse, many fires, and a flood.

The interviewer said Was the pub any different when his dad was running?

Conkeldurr said There wan't a kindly krew to start, and he didn't play card s with the customers. He wasn;t as fun.

(The narrator returns)

Gyarados is popular in the pub for his playful nature with his customers.

Salamence said I always love playing cards with Gyaradios. He always seems to win though.

(The narrator returns)

Gyarados is described to be a man who was able to lead his customers to victory in a pub civil war.

Excadrill said Gyarados doesn't talk about the civil war much with his customers. though conk tolf me that it was against his evil twin. the battle raged sohard that tapu koko, lele, bulu and fini had to stop the commotion.

The innocent interviewer said Who won the civil war?

Excadrill said If gyarados still has the forula then i;;ll say him.

(The narrator returns)

Although the innocent pub wouldn't the success it is without the appreciation of its customers. If Gyarados has been running the pub for at least 30 years, he must have a gift.

Tyranitar said I hate working there. He doesn't pay me, HE DOESN'T CREDIT ME FOR MY WORK! I don't see the fucking fuss to be honest.

Excadrill said Gyarados is overrated. he never gave us cheap or legal beer. he expects us to feel sorry for him because his dad didn't marmolade in prison or something.

Gyarados said PWISON!

Aegislash said The innocent pub is better than muffin. its the only place in my this dark shell of a road whixh sells shadow juice.

Salamence said Gyarados is a wonderful man. Hes kind, charming and funny. Those he takes a shine to get thier beers on the cheap. He has never lied to me once. The people who don't like him are straawmen.

Aegislash said Gyarados is smelly. I like to call him captain needs the wash because he hasnlt nhad da wash! He does stinky poos in barrels.

Garchomp said Yar har har gyarados is the finest captain a crew could ask for. i remmeber when my ship, the black pig, clarash landed into the pub. gyarados took me in and made me like a was almost as good of a captaon

as me.

Conkeldurr said gyarados does one of the best beers/ i cant live without a glass of calcallca scally wag .

Tyranitar said If I had to sum up gyarados is one word? nnasty!

Aegislash said smell7y!

Excadrill said cheap

Conkeldurr said a hero

Salamence said A god

Garchomp said A captain

Gyarados said innocent saidD

Now we shall go through some of the greatest moments which the pub has to share.

(The documentary reels through some of the finest moments including the time they got rid of a dead body, dealth with a flood, met the arabs, got rid of the drugs, and salamence chasing aegislash in the pub. soon the pool

game is featured. Excadrill, Aegislash and good god i'm so fucking glad he dies next time are horrified.)

Conkeldurr said That wasn't meant to be recorded.

Raichu said i thought it would be interesting

Excadrill said its embarassing

Tyranitar said we'll you should have of thought of before acting like an idiot.

Conkeldurr said My bum is wrinkly and spotty.

Despite all the praise the rest of his crew are giving. this footage here doesn't make gyarados look flattering. considering all the violence murder and smuggling, could this be the end of ?scallywag?.

(an establishing shot of the pub appears on screen. some text leaks the pub's address. gyarados suddenly comes in at the scene of da crime)

Gyarados said Edit this out, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Raichu said Sorry, i deleted the movie make r file, this WMV is all i have. and im going to show it to the bbc.

Aegislash said SURRENDER FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL

Raichu said It wasn't me, tyranitar leaked the details.

Salamence said WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Conkeldurr said EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, A TRAITOR!

Tyranitar said Call it the flaming tyranitar or i'll help raichu leak this.

Aegislash said I can't wait to see the blood which will come out of this ordeal.

Raichu said yes we must leak this. i will be well awarded for this.

Tyranitar said by the bbc as well.

Gyarados said but i could go to PWISON for this!

Raichu said Just like my boss said.

Aegislash said Ha! even the feebled bbc hates you!

Raichu said The evil twin is my boss.

(tyranitar loses his smirk, takes raichu's pen drive out and eats it)

Tyranitar said now thats what i call a flaming tyranitar.

Aegislash said HAHAHA! YOU LOSE!

Conkeldurr said I'm starving.

Excadrill said not now conk.

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GRANNY!

Raichu said great, nowim goingt oto get it from the evil twin.

Excadrill said Good! A traitor is no ocousing of mine.

(Raichu leaves)

Gyarados said Cut her some slack, no one deserves to work for the evil twin.

Tyranitar said Besides, maybe she'll learn her lesson next time.

Aegislash said Treatury is illegal in the worl of shadows. the traitor must pay a grave price in order to be forgiven in the eyes of my immortal brtehteren.

Excadrill said Shame, a pub documenatary could haave been epic.

Salamence said But you still haen't punsihed master tubby.

Tyranitar said but garchomp hasn't done anything wrong.

Garchomp said blow the man down, he was talking about you.

Tyranitar said (Laugh now)

Gyarados said The way i see it, it;s scallywag in the glass.

Excadrill said Which means?

Gyarados said oh its just a n innocent analogy for walter under the bridge

Garchomp said yar har har i sailed under a few bridges

Gyarados said boo hoo no you didn't now start cleaning the place after all the popcorn.

Conkeldurr said And the gum off the tables.

Excadrill said Fine, let's get to work.

(the next day, tyranitar apprahcehs gyarados who wiping flaming gyarados off the menyu)

Tyranitar said hey gyarados. now about flaming gyarados, at least let garchomp have some of the winnings.

Tyranitar said Hmm i could grab a few pennies for myself.

Gyarados said Oh i got rid off flaming gyarados

Tyranitar said Why?

Gyarados said The materials are too expensive to gather, it might overshadow scallywag , and i had to change my diet in order to have enough fart power when strengthening da fire/

Tyranitar said (Laugh now)

Gyarados said lets pretend this all never happened.

Tyranitar said lets put it there buddy

Gyarados said Does raichu sttill have the address?

Tyranitar said Nah garchomp took it when he was stuck for toilet paper

Gyarados said All is settled then, fancy a scallywag?

Tyranitar said of courdse.

(He pours a scallywag for himself and one for family guy)

Gyarados said BBERS!

(They bash glasses)

Tyranitar said so is this for free?

Gyarados said uh no its on da expensive/

Garchomp said yo ho ho, you have to have your beerz on da expensiv.

Tyranitar said (Laugh now)

Gyarados said there is one thing i will do though.

Tyranitar said Yes

Gyarados said Promote you.

Tyranitar said to pub veteran?

Gyarados said i need you, excadriil aegislash and garchomp to help me gather food supplies using the van.

Tyranitar said Thats good as the van didn't appear much in season 2

Gyarados said yeah well season 2 didn't do as well as we hoped.

Tyranitar said will we get paid for this?

Gyarados said ill only pay for your vans petrol.

Tyranitar said sigh, better than muffin.

Gyarados said i run the pub!

FLAMING GYARADOS YEAH!


	3. Chapter 21: Shovelgate

(Excaadrill n Aegislash are running to da bus. they are in a hurry curry)

Snorlax said FARE!

Excadrill said Can we get on for free?

Aegislash said We have an argent mission. If you don't put this ride ont he shadow slate, i'll kill you and blow sticky snot on your carcass.

Snorlax said i don;t do slates

Excadrill said oh fuck you!

(alola sandlash come sforward)

Sandslash said Hey excadrill what's up?

Aegislash said poop you slug! go in the bin!

Excadrill said oh hey ice cream man. the bus driver won't let us on the bus for free.

Aegislash said i don't like the bus druver very much,

Snorlax said I don't like you very much.

Sandslash said I'll pay.

(He gives him some chocolate chip cookies with crap in the centres)

Aegislash said Now let us on you fucking olive!

Snorlax said you only use cccwcitc because it was in season 1. im not fooling for it.

Sandslash said fine, i'll give you a buy 1 ice cream, get 2 free.

Excadrill said ha ha ha ha ha ha h ah a yay!

Aegislash said I DONT CAR!

Snorlax said okay, i love junk food.

Excadrill said i'm in your debt.

Sandslash said What happened anyway?

Excadrill said our van got clamped.

Primarina said Funny, don't you usually bring Tyranitar and Garchomp as well when getting crissps for th e pub?

Aegislash said tyranitar and garchomp are lazy morons. i'm going to call them names when i get back

Excadrill said tyranitar and garchomp ae basy suppporting conk, hes going throuhgh a hard time

Primarina said oh thats nice.

Excadrill said how's the baby?

Primarina said oh i traded it for a fatdonalds ketchup packet

Excadrill said was it nice?

Aegislash said the only soource people can drink are shadow sauce

Sandslash said do you want me to pay for the fine?

Aegislash said yes

Primarina said are you sure about this?

Excadrill said no we can pay it ourselves. ill ask te police to reduce the price

Sandslash said please, you were a great best man, id do anything ti help.

Aegislash said I WANT FOOD!

Snorlax said Stop shouting

Excadrill said all weel be getting is a knuckle sandwitch from tyranitar.

(at the pub, tyranitar and conk are playing cheeky checkers)

Tyranitar said chocmate! i sunk your battleship.

Garchomp said yo ho ho,, tyanitat is the best!

(Conk throws the set on the floor)

Conkeldurr said I WANT TO WIN! ITS NOT FAIR!

TYranitar said Tough poop!

Gyarados said yeah, its not always about winning. although im the best at cards.

(excadrill and aegislash epicly arrive)

Excadrill said tyranitar houston, we have a problem! houston is tyranitar's surname!

Conkeldurr said WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO YOU LITTLE CUNT?

Tyranitar said we have a bigger problem here

Excadrill said our vvan ahs has been clamped

Tyranitar said WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Gyarados said im not paying for your fine.

Aegislash said your our boss. bake responibility for a change. i bet you wet the bed.

Tyranitar said how did this happen?

Gyarados said nbecause you two cant drive properly.

Aegislash said i say you die!

Excadrill said no aegislash, we should all live. living is wonderful!

Excadrill said it was because garchomp told us double yellow lines was th e best place to park

Garchomp said maybe you ought to try harder little bud/

Aegislash said say sorry and pay for the fine, or else it will be your life.

Gyarados said leave tyranitar and the beef guy alon they have hard a has life day life time

Tyranitar said yeah, conk hasnt gotten over the fact that his local newsagents arent selling wanka bars for one whole day.

Excadrill said whats keeping willy wanka

Tyranitar said bugger if i know

Salamence said i saw him talking to a black bird when i was in the market.

Tyranitar said maybe the black bird sends stock to the newsagents

Gyarados said Conk what are you doing on your laptop, you look very pleased yourself.

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GRANNY!

Gyarados said have you gotten rid of delta yet?

Aegislash said i use the shadow search engine myself

Conkeldurr said i like delta. all the young windbreakers are using it.

Aegislash said what are we going to do about the tincan van?

Gyarados said i think it should be sent for scrap

Tyranitar (trying to move the plot forward) said but everyone loves the van

Garchomp said yo ho ho the van is the best

Gyarados said we'll sort it out tomorrow

Aegislash said tyranitar's never eaten a tomato?

(Conk is making groaning sounds)

Gyarados said what do you want?

Tyranitar said you look very comfy.

Gyarados said are you fapping?

(Conkeldurr jerks forward and his trousers have a stain.)

Salamence said can you do this in your own time?

Tyranitar said Can i have a look please?

Garchomp said yar har har are there any mermaids?

Aegislash said is it some hardcore porn

Gyarados; give it to me!

Conkeldurr said GIVE IT BACK YOU FUCKING CUNT!

(Gyarados loooks at the monitor, he goes pale)

(the other characters are concerned)

Tyranitar said are you okay gyarados?

Gyarados said I'm going to have to delete this. i'm giving you a warning. two more and you're strippped from some of your pub veteran privelleges.

Excadrill said good!

Tyranitar said what's the matter gyarados?

Gyarados said do you really want to know?

Tyranitar said Yeah!

Conkeldurr said give back my computer smelly!

Tyranitar said keep calling gyarados names and youll lose your status as ppub veteran

Gyarados said who runs the pub here?

Tyranitar said i ran it once.

Connkeldurr said I WANT TO RUN THE PUB!

Gyarados said I RUN THE PUB AND I SAY WHAT GOES!

Salamence said Yes sir!

Garchomp said ay aye captain!

Gyarados said stop saying aye aye cap#n like that it's so cllcihed!

Excadrill said almost as annoying as how conk likes to try people are in my days are seen and not herd

Conkeldurr said PEOPLEIN MY DAY WERE SEEN N NOT HEEEEEERD!

Tyranitar said a burger in the hand is worth 69 in the bush!

Aegislash said i better play these shadow cardz right!

Salamence said selling junk at the black market is child's play!

Gyarados said WABBA LUBBA DUB DUB!

Tyranitar said can we bar conk?

Gyarados said stop lingering on it.

Excadrill said yeah stop sucking up to gyarados just because he told off conk!

Conkeldurr said (Hits excadrill) CALL ME GRANNY!

Aegislash said I'd rather pay for shadow juice on the expensive.

Gyarados said i believe that can beer arranged.

Salamence said Why don't we all just all calm down and play cards?

Aegislash said I don't want cook to play...

Gyarados said conk you're bringing out the worst in everyone. Why don't you get yourself a wanka bar from anohter shop?

Tyranitar said yeah its not like your newsagents is the only place which sells them

Conkeldurr said I want to buy it from MY NEWSAGENTS!

Garchomp said i'll but you the wanka bar.

Excadrill said stop encouraging him!

(Conk hits excadrill)

Gyarados said here is £1, go to the local tesco and buy a wanka bar there.

Excadrill said doesn't your mum work at tesco tyranitar?

Tyranitar said shes undercover. she actually works for the russian army.

Excadrill said She told me that she moonlights as an escort girl.

Tyranitar said yeah, she gives russian soldiers a lift.

Conkeldurr said (hits excadrill again for some reason) the prices for wanka bars have gone up to 2 pounds.

Gyarados said boo hoo no they haven't

Salamence said i bet you'll get LOST in the SHOPS!

Aegislash said I want conk to get scared.

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GRANNY!

(He tries to hit Aegislash and fails. What a fucking idiot!)

Aegislash said I'm a shadow warrior. Your stupid combat will never work.

Conkeldurr said I WIN! I fought in the civil war.

Gyarados said just calm down and get a wanka bar!

Conkeldurr said FINE! I HOPE THE PUB GETS BURNT DOWN!

Aegislash said I hope you die of smelling your own shit!

(a while has passed, the stink has vanished)

Tyranitar said How good was coonk in da civil wore!

(Gyarados grabs da book of civil war records)

Gyarados said lets sese...ah Conkeldurr!

Excadrill said Well?

Aegislash said what of sly sluj?

Garchomp said did he scrub the poop deeck?

Gyarados said funny, all it describes here ais the drugs he was injected with.

Aegislash said decent. i like seeing people get hurt?

Garchomp said people should only get hurt if they don't share their buried seamen.

Aegislash said captainneedsthewash should get hurt for not selling cheap or legal shadow juice.

Gyarados said SHUT UP POO!

Tyranitar said why don't we just dump him in the home for smelly old peope

Gyarados said i remember he got chucked out not long ago.

Excadrill said why?

Gyarados said he claimed it was because of the racist act he did.

Excadrill said and after all that hard work we did to teach it to him!

Aegislash said FOOL! i'm still mysterious as to whats fappeneing to the van

Gyarados said i think you should use a nice barrel

Tyranitar said wanna hear a story

Gyarados said NOT REALLY! saidD

Aegislash said the only stories i like are hentai and creepypasta.

Garchomp said Yo ho ho, im more of a pirate pasta man myself.

Salamence said what's the story about? how POUR you are!?

Tyranitar said four in a stupid way

Salamence said ha, you can't even say poor properly.

Tyranitar said four in a stupid way

Garchomp said uyo ho ho, its a big beefers life for meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tyranitar shouted four in a stupid way!

Gyarados said WHAT'S THE FUCKING STORY ABOUT! I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

Tyranitar said its about how we got the can.

Salamence said i'd rather learn about how i got the private yot.

Tyranitar said don't you already know that.?

Garchomp said yo ho ho i did da stinky ffart!

Tyranitar said its the story about the van

Gyarados said fine lets listen

Tyranitar said its the story about the van or nuffin!

Excadrill said it all started 3 years before season 1.

Aegislash said fool! i still mysterious on the awesome pokemon sitcom timeline

Salamence said I get my beers on the cheap

Excadrill said oh shut up

Garchomp said STOP SIDETRACKING AND GET TO THE STORY!

Tyranitar said fine, let's go!

(it flashes back to the old house 3 years before season 1!)

Excadrill said this is a flashback.

Tyranitar said IM HUNGRY!

Aegislash said greedybutts, eat carrots for a change.

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Excadrill said im tired of all the fucking bus rides to town. carrying the junk from the bus to the van is taxing.

Tyranitar said we're not selling da junk from the back garden which we;kkll never get to see.

Aegislash said i think we should buy a contraption to get us to and from placses.

Tyranitar said im not sure if we can afford that.

Excadrill said but your parents work for the russian army

Tyranitar said In all honest i havent cheded the bank

Excadrill said we'll never get to selll green cheese, only cheddar

Tyranitar said but cheddars yummy

Aegislash said fine, lets go to da bank.

(at da bank, dusknoir is waiting for them)

Aegislash said GIVE US ALL MONEY! or doom shall pay a midnight visit. i hear he gets pretty hungry

Tyranitar said NO, we're hear to see how much i have

Dusknoir said Ah hello. who is your name?

Excadrill said uh tyranitar, are you sure you've been here before?

Dusknoir said i'm very forgetful. i know the names of ALL my custoemrz.

Aegislash said if you know me well, you would know that you owe me a million poundz. if you dont, then you should ask for a refund at the brain factory.

Tyranitar said my name is tyranitar houston, look it up.

(Dusknoir consults his book of scrects)

Dusknoir said ah, you must be...greedy guts.

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Dusknoir said your balance is...£75,000

Excadrill said no way

Aegislash said can you add a few more zeros. the world of shadows will give you a od word

Tyranitar said i'd like to withdraw £50,000 of that.

Excadrill said are you sure about this?

Tyranitar said of course, i know a good dealer who does veichles.

Excadrill said great, more friends of abotaabot who come out of nowhereeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tyranitar said come on, let's go!

Bisharp said hold it right there guvnor!

Excadrill said BISHARP!

Aegislash said That foolish new landlord"!

Tyranitar said we'll have the rent ready by tomorrow

Aegislash said you've never eaten a tomato.

BIsharp said tomatoes are tasty guvnor. if you ate more of them you;ll be in ore of a poition to pay te rent.

Excadrill said leave us alone for now.

Bisharp said i want the rent NOW rentboys!

Aegislash said You should only eat shit?

Tyranitar said Excadrill, Aegislash, SHUT THE FUX UP! how much do you want BISHARP?

Bisharp said how much do you have on you?

Excadrill said £4

Aegislash said I WANT SHADOW JUICE

Tyranitar said 4 pounds in a stupid way.

Bisharp said looks like a £50000 there guvnor.

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Excadrill said bisharp is really smart

Aegislash said I dont want to pay the rent to bisharp

Tyranitar said 2 bad

Bisharp said I'll take £1000

Tyranitar said WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Excadrill said thats an outage

Bisharp said its business!

(at the van garage, the main three meet garchomp.)

Aegislash said I don't want garchomp to come.

Tyranitar said too bad, hes going to help us choose a van

Excadrill said what does garchomp know about vans?

Aegislash said I THOUGHT HE SAILED DA SALTY SEAS!

Tyranitar said he does. he just so happens to be good with vans too/

Excadrill said more like he needed something to do today.

Charjabug said Welcome to voikavolt's garage, what can we do for you?

Garchomp said yo ho ho, i want to buy a van.

Excadrill said but we... ah okay, yeah we want to buy garchomp a van.

Aegislash said where is vikavolt? i want to challenge him to a duel which will determine who will survive longer on the darkness of the battlefoield.

Charjabug bus said Volkavilt has tummy ache today. I'm managing service at your service.

Excadrill said can we just find a van already?

Tyranitar said fine, let's go. lead the way charjabug.

(at da showroom, there are a lot of vans. one white van is at the back. he looks very sad.)

Red van said ha ha ha, you're smaller than us.

Yellow van said The cake i made was bigger than yours/

Green van said you cost less than us.

The van said boo hoo. im different from the other vans.

Aegislash said FOOL" ! all these vans look like shet.

Tyranitar said i think we should give 3 of thema try

Excadrill said i thought garchoomp was choosing the van

Tyranitar said NO! we're choosing it/

Garchomp said blow the man down, i don't want da yummy van.

Aegislash said POO! that means we have to pay for it.

Charjabug said which van takes your interest?

Tyranitar said a green one would suit me nicely/

Excadrill said I think a nice beige one would d nicely

Tyranitar said gross. beige is a boring woring colour/

Excadrill said you don't like it because it looks like brown bread

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Aegislash said I want a black one, that means it will be the shadow car.

Garchomp said yar har hr i like the look of that white one at the back.

Tyranitar said it looks lonely/

Excadrill said it suits you then

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Charjabug said would you like to test drive it?

Garchomp said MAAAAAAAAAAAN the jolly rodger!

Tyranitar said you found it garchomp, you try it.

Garchomp said yar har har i don't have a licence or insurance.

Excadrill said THEN DON'T HAVE A CRASH!

Charjabug said most of these vehicles work. i think you'll be fine.

Tyranitar said go on garchomp, show the road what you're made of.

Garchomp said yo ho ho, im off the drive the van.

(he leaves to drive t he van)

(one day later)

Tyranitar said whats keeping garchomp?

Aegislash said i hope he crashes, that means i can laugh at him

Excadrill said i didn't know you could laugh.

(a tow truck comes in. it is carrying the loveable van)

Rhyperior said stop making us fish for your vans.

(he leaves)

Tyranitar said are you okay garchomp?

Aegislash said you feel into ad dirty ditch because your a smelly toad!

Garchomp said yo ho ho the van is really really good.

Excadrill said how did you fall in?

Garchomp said blow the man down, i saw an ice cream truck and drove too fast.

Excadrill said that's strange, the ice cream would usually help out a friend in need.

Aegislash said of some shadow juice.

Tyranitar said Right tharjabug, how much for the van?

Tyranitar said Well then?

Charjabug said £400

Aegislash said FOOL! IF IT WAS DRIVEN BY GARCHOMP, WE SHOULD GET IT FOR FUCKING FREE!

Tyranitar said £400 pounds in a stupid way.

Excadrill said Can we settle for £300

Garchomp said yar har har you ought to say please and thank you more little bu

Excadrill said MY NAMES NOT LITTLE BUD!

Charjabug said we want rid of the van anyway. spend the rest of your planned budget on insurance.

Tyranitar said nah, im a careful driver, we wont have an accident.

Garchomp said yar har har thats the sailors way!

Charjabug said Here are the keys.

Tyranitar said and heres the yummy money. come on guys, lets go.

Aegislash said id ont want to sht next oto carchomp.

Tyranitar said too bad

Excadrill said hopefullt this will help with business.

Garchomp said MAN THE JOLLY RODGER!

(they drive off into da sunset. after 5 minutes tyranitar has a flat tyre.)

Garchomp said yo ho ho, you got a flat tyre/

Gyarados said (laugh now)

(and that concludes the van's origin story)

Excadrill said and that concludes the van's origin story

Gyarados said i thought i was boring

Salamence said wanna hear about the private yot now?

(the stink returns)

Conkeldurr said I WANT BEER!

Tyranitar said did you get something?

(Conk flashes a wanka bar)

Conkeldurr said MY T!

Gyarados said See, you get something in da end? scallywag?

Conkeldurr said I WANT SUPPER SIZE!

Tyranitar said can we have a super size?

Gyarados said NO saidD

Tyranitar said meanie!

Aegislash said gyaradosshould be tried for his dark cards against humanity, i want to challenge him to full-moon scuffle!

Excadrill said what would be wrongw iwith the just saying fight? just sayin.

Gyarados said fine, ill challenge you to a fight. ill win.

Aegislash said i knew a a battle would come. i was waiting for this.

Tyranitar said I hope gyarados wins.

Salamence said Aegislash is going to LOSE!

Excadrill said but aegislash is da shadow warrior.

Garchomp said yar har har one of the cre mmemebers is fighting the captain. GO CAPTAIN GYARADOS!

Aegislash said captain needs the wash has nothing on me!

Gyarados said OH YEAH! TRY THIS!

(He flashes a gun)

Tyranitar said another BLASTER stick!

Garchomp said I wanted a sword fight.

Excadrill said How will aegislash win now? no one can bet a blaster stick!

Aegislash said My shadow training prepared against all combat...except for blaster sticks/

Gyarados said try me

(the two run towards each other, gyarados fires his gun stick at close rage. aegislash is quick wirtty and teleports to his back. he readies da shadow ball)

Aegislash said guess what's dark and can crumble?

(gyarados gives a confused krabs face)

Excadrill said Aegislash, stop with the riddles.

Salamence said now's your chance gyarados.

Garchomp said perform a pirate curse!

Aegislash said A SHADOW BALL!

(he is about to hurl it)

Conkeldurr said I WANT FUCKING BEER!

Gyarados said you'll have to wait conk, i have to wi...

Conkeldurr said CALL ME GRANN...

Gyarados said OH SHUT THE FUCK UP!

(He fires a bullet at conk. It hits his neck and flies his head off. A BLOODY MESS COMES POURING OUT OF HIS NECK! The body runs around for a bit to find the head. It gives in and collapses.

At long last, the stink is dead.)

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Gyaraods said Whoops! I commited another innocent murder.

Tyranitar said very innocent indeed!

Excadrill said HHa ha ha, that was really funny!

Conk's head said Now look what you've done!

Aegislash said good, that means we don't have to go on anymore fetch quests for him!

Tyranitar said the pub wouldn't smell as badly/

Salamence said Guys, we need to put his head on to pretend that we caare about him!

Garchomp said Wheres the brandy!

Tyranitar said we can't celebrate just yet garchomp. excadrill, go and get some glue.

Salamence said hurry little bud!

Excadrill said MY NAMES NOT LITTLE BUD!

Aegislash said SHUT UP AND GET THE STICKY ICKY GLUE!

Excadrill said fine, let's go.

(excadrill managed to get some.)

Excadrill said I managed to get some

Gyarados said good, hurry up and put the head back on.

Aegislash said IS IT STICKY ICKY GLUE!?

Excadrill said yes

Tyranitar said good get little bud!

Garchomp said yar har har, let's put the head on the old shipmate's body.

Excadrill said right!

(they stik the head on the top of his neck. there is no response.)

Gyarados said guesswe were too late.

Excadrill said Hey ho.

Salamence said very interesting though.

Aegislash said i think we should call dr reuniclus to uncover the dark mystery.

Tyranitar said I'll just ring him and tell him to come along.

(dr reuniclus arrives, he surveys conk's body. he grabs conk's head and starts throwing it to the other members of the crew. they act like they're paying volleyball with it)

Reuniclus said I'm honestly surprised why you wasted ur time trying to mend it.

Gyarados said we needed to act as though we cared.

Reuniclus said if you wanted to go the extra mile thne you should have used icky sticky glue.

Garchomp said yar har har we used sticky icky glue

Excadrill said but icky sticky is too expensive.

Aegislash said the world of shadows have strong distrain against it.

Reuniclus said i don't think it would have been worth the money.

Aegislash said CONK WASNT WORTH THE GODJAM OXYGEN!

Tyranitar said im so glad hes dead.

Excadrill said what are we going to do about the funeral/

Reuniclus said this funeral will need to be special.

Gyarados said everyone in edge is coming, everything is for free and the police drop all charges.

Aegislash said there had BETTER be shadow juice, or ill have to bring some from the pub.

Excadrill said we'll have to wait and see for tomorrow/

Tyranitar said i'm so excited that i could do a great pig fart.

Salamence said save it for the funeral

Garchomp said yo ho ho lets go and have the big SLEEEP!

Gyarados said Fine, lets go to bed.

Reuniclus said see you at the funeral

(the next day at the gravesite. everyone is there. even those from the sketches)

Xatu said i'm so glad im getting paid to make a speech for thos cowpat getting burried. no one really liked conk, he killed his wife and filmed porn of her, he performed racist acts, and he smelt.

(everyone cheers n beers)

Lopunny said Wait what? HE killed my grandmother? fuck that piece of shit, i hope he burns in hell

Aegislash said the world is a better place without him

Excadrill said all he ever did was whine that we didnt call him granny"!

(conk is being put into a hole burried by diggersby and gogoat. they both drop their shovels #shovelgate)

Gyarados said wats da probby?

Evil twin said you look down ze dumps amigo!

Aegislash said fancy a fight? for real?

Diggersby 1 said I dont want to redig the soil of conk's grave.

Gogoat said yeah the smell is overbearing (fartz)

Excadrill said can understand that.

Salamence said perhaps we can help

Aegislash said we r brave harted heroes after all

Gyarados said we could produce the soil to bury conk.

Garchomp said yar har har he was once one of our crew

Tyranitar said leave it to the big beefers. gyarados, you helping?

Gyarados said of course. this will be as easy as making my sandwiches.

Raichu said (grabs camera) oh boy this could be the latest scoop!

Xatu said on the count of 5.

Salamence said this is very exciting

Xatu said 5

Reuniclus said they have dealt with cooks death well.

Xatu said 4

Tyranitar said 4 in a stupid way

Xatu said 3

Excadrill said fun party right cous?

Raichu said its great, look at all those crepes on the table

Sandslash said it shows how the death of the monster of tallkey brings everyone together.

Xatu said 2

Aegislash said sly sludge is going to get a sly surprise.

Xatu said 1

Gyarados said ready boys?

Xatu said GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gyarados, Tyranitar and Garchomp all yelled BOMBS AWAY!

(all 3 take a dump on conk's corpes. it was a really smelly surprise. i'm so glad he's fucking dead)

(Eveyone cheerz again and the festivities begin. the police approach gyarados)

Electrode said nice one gyarados.

Gyarados said aw thanks

Evil twin said your waifus have done ze well under your influenz

Gyarados said eh they could do with some more kindly krew training

Bisharp said nice one guvnor. im not collecting erenent today

Tyranitar said hey could we buy a free house?

Gyarados said dont get greddy

Salamence said you can always get greddy on the food.

Tyranitar said of course!

Salamence said must be nice not having to get his tea right?

Excadrill said im surprised why you tolerated him for so long.

The bus driver said i rather miss conk.

Aegislash said FOOL! you'll ruin the fun!

(The bus driver is chucked out of the party)

Tyranitar said hey gyarados?

GYarados said what is it boy?

Tyrnaitar said whi is pub verteran now conk is dead?

Gyarados said garchomp

Aegislash said but salamence has been attending for longer

Salamence said you also need to be oler than 40

Excadrill said we manage dot get da car decmaplled YAAAAAAY!

Aegislash said hopefully garchomp wont be as feebled or smelly as conk

Garchomp said YO HO HO! ITS A BIG BEEFERS LIFE FOR MEEEEEE!

Excadrill said does that mean he gets his beers on the cheap?

Gyarados said he still has to work at the pub, and we still pay for his accomidation. meaning nothing has really changed,

Aegislash said id rather try than have the same title as conk

Excadrill said yeah but being pub veteran was the only thing going for conk

Raichu said hey excadrill, people on the stage are slow dancing.

Salamence said wanna dance basil?

Garchomp said i was i could slow dance with gyarados.

Gyarados said don't worry garchomp, theres one last baef sandwich on the buffet which the muskateers prepated.

Garchomp said BAEF! (fartz)


	4. Chapter 22: Don't Drink

It has been reported that 2.5 million people drink over 14 units of alcohol a day.

In 2015, there were 8,758 deaths caused by alcohol consumption.

Alcohol is a risk factor for death, ill-health and disability among 15-49 year-olds in the UK.

(Alcohol Concern, 2017)

(Tyranitar, Excadrill and Aegislash arrive at the pub. They looked pleased with themselves.)

Gyarados said What's with those grins you lot are wearing?

Excadrill said We managed to win £1,000 for a lottery ticket.

Aegislash said Yes, we can now use this as a budget.

Tyranitar said That means we can start selling stuff at the market again. We'll also be using this money to pay for our accommodation here before we buy a house.

Gyarados said So, I'll be getting a share eh?

Excadrill said That's right. It also means that we don't have to work for you anymore.

Gyarados said Excellent. It's good to see that you three are gaining some independence.

Tyranitar said But first, I say we have three Super Size Scallwags (TM) to celebrate.

Aegislash said I'll have my Shadow Juice (TM) cocktail.

(Salamence enters the pub, he looks pleased as well.)

Gyarados said Hello dear!

Salamence said I'll have a large cognac tonight.

Gyarados said Did something good happen in the market?

Salamence said That's right. I struck a deal with a client to sell a new line of merchandise for £10 million.

Aegislash said Incredible!

(Tyranitar gives a jealous look. He quickly wipes it off though.)

Tyranitar said We won £1,000 for a lottery ticket.

Excadrill said That means we have a budget to start selling stuff at the market.

Salamence said I suppose that means you won't be leeching off Gyarados anymore?

Tyranitar said We hope so.

Gyarados said Here you are, apologies for the delay.

Tyranitar said Anything for a Super Size Scallywag (TM).

Excadrill said Thanks Gyarados.

(Garchomp sits next to the three, he is carrying a paper coffee cup.)

Garchomp said Wouldn't it be better if you saved your money on stock and not towards treats?

Excadrill said Let us have our fun!

Tyranitar said Yeah, who are you to judge how much we drink?

Excadrill said You're not our mum.

Garchomp said I've lost my taste in Scallywag (TM). I'm becoming more of a coffee man.

Excadrill said I don't like coffee that much.

Aegislash said It doesn't have that kick which Shadow Juice (TM) has.

Garchomp said You just dislike coffee because it doesn't pander to your alcohol addiction.

(Tyranitar slowly reaches for a piece of metal from his pocket.)

Tyranitar said We DO NOT have an alcohol addiction!

Excadrill said We only have two units a day.

Gyarados said This is your fifth today.

Aegislash said I'm still thirsty, make it six!

Garchomp said Why are you lying about how much alcohol you consume?

Excadrill said The other four were non-alcoholic drinks.

Gyarados said That's not what I remember.

Salamence said You seem to be having a day for lies Excadrill.

Tyranitar said Of course you don't remember what you sold us as you don't have the receipt you FUCKING MORON!

(He throws his Super Size Scallywag glass on the floor and storms into his room at the inn.)

(After a few minutes, Excadrill and Aegislash come into his inn.)

Excadrill said Are you okay?

Tyranitar said Yeah...I think I'm fine now.

Aegislash said Gyarados and the lot are out of order.

Tyranitar said He thinks he's cool telling other people about how much we drink.

Excadrill said Why does Garchomp think he's so wise anyway?

Aegislash said Probably all that coffee.

Tyranitar said He just doesn't want to look like an alcoholic.

Excadrill said What's wrong with alcohol anyway?

Aegislash said It makes me feel good.

Tyranitar said You know, I'd just like to come into the pub one day and shoot everyone in sight.

Aegislash said Yeah same. That will teach them to tell us how to live our lives.

Excadrill said So, do you want to get down to business?

Tyranitar said What do you mean?

Excadrill said You know, what stock we'll buy.

Tyranitar said Ah, now I get you.

Aegislash said Let's get another drink and consult our plans.

Tyranitar said I like your thinking Aegislash!

(The group arrive as Garchomp leaves; it's just Gyarados and Salamence.)

Excadrill said Right, two more Scallywags (TM) and a Shadow Juice (TM)!

Tyranitar said And make it quick!

Salamence said Um Tyranitar...

Tyranitar said If you're going to be like Garchomp then you can kindly fuck off!

Gyarados said If you're going to talk like that then you're going back to your inn.

Tyranitar said You're no...

Excadrill said Stop Tyranitar! Let's just grab our drinks and sit down.

Aegislash said Who cleaned up the mess?

Gyarados said Garchomp did. Perhaps you ought to say sorry and thank him when you next see him.

Aegislash said As long as he stops telling us to drink coffee.

Gyarados said Fine, maybe next time someone won't be there to clean up after you.

Tyranitar said Just take our money and leave us alone.

Gyarados said Fine

(The group grab a set and quickly begin drinking.)

Aegislash said So, what should we sell?

Tyranitar said Hmm, what can get us so rich-quick that we can beat Salamence?

Excadrill said What does Salamence sell exactly?

Tyranitar said It seems to vary.

Aegislash said Perhaps we could specialise in clothes?

Tyranitar said Not bad.

Salamence said You'll need to sell some pretty good clothes before you can match up to my success.

Tyranitar said Do you know of any in particular?

Salamence said Normally I'd give a rival a helping hand, although you were rude to me earlier so I'm not helping.

(He goes to his inn.)

Aegislash said I never liked Salamence.

Tyranitar said Yeah, same. He always brags about how much he has made.

Excadrill said It's distracting if you aren't in his pedigree.

Tyranitar said I have as much right to the millionaire status as he does.

Gyarados said You're missing the part where you actually earn your fortune.

Tyranitar said I'm going to buy a couple of lagers from the corner shop. I can't be arsed to listen to you anymore.

Gyarados said The feeling is mutual.

Excadrill said See you at the inn.

(Tyranitar leaves and the other two return to their inns. Gyarados is left alone.)

(10 minutes later, Tyranitar arrives at the inn.)

Tyranitar said Got them!

Excadrill said Now we can drink in peace.

Tyranitar said You having one Aegislash?

Aegislash said I prefer Shadow Juice (TM), but all alcohol is good.

Tyranitar said Think fast!

(Aegislash catches it.)

Tyranitar said SCORE!

Excadrill said Nice one!

Aegislash said Might want to get practiced when hurling grenades at the customers.

Tyranitar said To the future of our company.

(Tyranitar had bought a dozen cans of lager. Six of them of had been consumed in 20 minutes.)

Tyranitar burped and said Those beers are good.

Aegislash said Alcohol solves every problem in the world.

Excadrill said You still look upset Tyranitar.

Tyranitar farted and said I just really hate Gyarados and the lot.

Aegislash said I know right? Gyarados thinks he can control our lives, Salamence is always gloating on about how better he is than us and Garchomp is obsessed with coffee.

Tyranitar said They're just in the way. Gyarados only took us in so we could be his slaves. I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT!

Excadrill said I think Salamence is our biggest concern at the moment.

Aegislash said I think we should beat him to death and raid his stock.

Excadrill said That means...

Tyranitar said We could profit from that contract he was bragging about.

Excadrill said Now that sounds like a plan.

Aegislash said I think it calls for a celebration.

Excadrill said Two more cans all around?

Tyranitar said FUCK THAT! We're going to party to our plan. Excadrill, go to the shops and get us some more cans.

Aegislash said Which shops will be open?

Excadrill said Supermarkets and petrol stations. But I've had too much to drink, the police might get anal.

Tyranitar said No they won't. Everyone drinks and drives. Hurry up and get some beer.

(Excadrill leaves.)

(Excadrill returns with a dozen more cans.)

Tyranitar said Good, we'll have two each tonight and two more to give us energy tomorrow.

(After their drinks, they turn very drunk. They play some loud music and litter their room with fairy lights.)

Aegislash said How would you kill Gyarados?

Tyranitar said Whichever way h-hurts the most.

Aegislash said Fuck prison! It should be easy to escape from.

Excadrill said You can teleport so of course it will be easy.

Tyranitar said Knowing the fucking facist police, they'll send us to d-d-d-diff-differ-diff-diffferent ce-cells.

Aegislash said You mean prisons.

Tyranitar said Yeah prisons.

Aegislash said I could just know where each of you were sent and get you out.

Tyranitar said Good. If you don't, then I fucking kill you.

Aegislash said Did you get caught by the police on the way to get the beers?

Excadrill said I don't remember, I don't care. I want more beer.

Tyranitar said I feel sleeeeeeeeepy!

(He collapses on to the ground.)

Excadrill said I must remind Tyranitar about our plan when he gets up. First I need more beer.

Aegislash said YOU FUCKING IDIOT! We need to s-save it for tomorrow.

Excadrill said I don't fucking care. I just want more BEER!

(Aegislash uses Sacred Sword to knock him out.)

Aegislash said FUCKING IDIOT!

(His eye slowly begins to close.)

Aegislash said SO TIREEEEED!

(He collapses like Tyranitar before him.)

(The next morning, the group are hungover.)

Excadrill said Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

(He vomits all over Tyranitar.)

Tyranitar said You little shit!

Excadrill said I feel awful!

Aegislash said Need...beer.

(He drags himself to the cans.)

Tyranitar said Cheers!

Excadrill said Gimme that.

Aegislash said Remember the plan?

Tyranitar said I don't feel up to it.

Excadrill said Let's just get some breakfast and find some stock.

(They leave their inn. Their movement is inconsistent said they float around the place and have to reach for surfaces in order to avoid tripping.)

(They enter the bar where they see Gyarados, Salamence and Garchomp talking.)

Salamence said Do you think the budget can handle it?

Tyranitar said Handle what?

Garchomp said Don't barge into a conversation like that.

Tyranitar said Don't tell me what to do you stupid cunt!

Gyarados said If you must know, I'm considering on turning the pub into a coffee shop.

Tyranitar said NO! I DON'T WANT THAT! I'll blow this pub up if it doesn't do beer!

Salamence said Do you have any better to do than constantly make death threats?

Tyranitar said Why do you fucking steal my success in the market?

Garchomp said What are you talking about? Salamence is better at market trading than you.

Tyranitar said You're just a fucking idiot!

Gyarados said If I hear another word, you're barred.

(Tyranitar huffs off to the inn, Excadrill and Aegislash follow.)

(At their inn, Tyranitar begins wrecking their room.)

Excadrill said Are you okay?

Tyranitar said AAAAAAAAAAAAA! I DON'T WANT THE PUB TO TURN INTO A COFFEE SHOP! I WANT MORE ALCOHOL! I WANT TO KILL SALAMENCE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

IT'S NOT FAIR! I HATE EVERYONE HERE! I'M SO ANGRY! I REALLY WANT TO FUCKING KILL EVERYONE HERE! I LOVE ALCOHOL! I WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY THAN SALAMENCE!

Aegislash said Calm down and take this.

(Tyranitar immediately stops crying and consumes his can of lager.)

Tyranitar said That hits the spot!

Aegislash said Shall we go back to the plan and kill Salamence?

Tyranitar said Yeah. We'll kill Gyarados next.

Excadrill said Do you want me to keep a lookout of Salamence's Mercedes?

Tyranitar said Yeah, then we'll stalk him with our van.

Aegislash said After we kill Salamence, we could nab that Merc.

Tyranitar said That means we can drink-drive...IN STYLE!

Excadrill said He's leaving! Let's give chase!

(They leave the pub and drive off in their van. Gyarados and Garchomp watch in shock.)

Garchomp said This can't end well, I don't doubt that they'll be stopped by the police.

Gyarados said I'm worried about Salamence and their wellbeing. I think I should go to town and sort things out myself.

Garchomp said Good luck Gyarados.

(Gyarados leaves to give chase.)

Good luck Gyarados

(Tyranitar drives clumsily to the market. He sways from side to side on the road; causing chaos for other drivers. At last he gets to town.)

Excadrill said Hopefully the police won't notice.

Tyranitar said Well the police can go fuck themselves.

Aegislash said Where do you think Salamence would be?

Excadrill said He'd be at one of the market stools you dumb fuck!

Aegislash said Keep talking to me like that and your corpse will be alongside Salamence's.

Tyranitar said Shut the fuck up both of you. Salamence will be in one of the back alleys.

Excadrill said Today the back alleys, tomorrow hell.

Tyranitar said That'll teach him to make me upset.

Excadrill said Right, we each...

Tyranitar said WHO IS THE FUCKING LEADER!?

Aegislash said Me?

Excadrill said You couldn't lead a colony of ants.

Aegislash said You probably can't masturbate properly.

(Tyranitar uses Crunch on Aegislash.)

Aegislash said FUCK YOU FAT SHIT!

Tyranitar said Let's get one thing settled said I'm the leader, you do as I say.

Excadrill said ...okay

Tyranitar said We each look in back alleys; if you see Salamence, text.

Aegislash said Right!

Tyranitar said If neither of us can find him in an hour, we burn the town to ensure that he turns up.

(They split up and search every back alley. After 30 minutes, Tyranitar eventually notices Salamence's silhouette.)

Tyranitar sends a text to both Excadrill and Aegislash saying Salamence in the alley next to Superdrug, kill!

(Excadrill and Aegislash quickly arrive.)

Tyranitar said Ready?

Excadrill said Do we have a plan?

Aegislash said We don't need one

Tyranitar said Yeah, three against one in a dark alley.

Aegislash said Ready?

Tyranitar said Yeah?

Excadrill said CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

(Salamence is setting up his market stool, he quickly turns round to see them attack.)

Salamence said What are you playing at?

Tyranitar said You'll steal our spotlight no more!

(Tyranitar and Excadrill use Strength on him.)

Aegislash said Your dumb friends Gyarados and Garchomp will be next!

(He is about to use Head Smash.)

Salamence said HELP!

(They proceed to chase Salamence to the end of the alley, they start beating him up when he has nowhere else to go. Salamence begins yelling in agony.)

Excadrill said CRYBABY!

Tyranitar said You're a fucking loser! You deserve to die. I've always been so jealous of you!

Salamence said Whatever I did, I'm sorry!

Excadrill said Too late!

Aegislash said You're dead! We're going to reclaim the fortune off you!

Salamence said I wish Gyarados was here.

Excadrill said Yeah, well, he isn't.

Tyranitar said You can't rely on him in HELL!

Aegislash said I bet even Gyarados will laugh at your death when he learns how poorly you went down.

(Salamence begins sobbing.)

Tyranitar said Say your prayers!

Gyarados said STOP IT!

(Upon saying that, some purple mist emerges from Tyranitar, Excadrill and Aegislash and knocks them out.)

Garchomp said Gah!

Gyarados said ALCOHOL!

Alcohol said Curses! You're too good for me. I'll be back!

(It leaves Tallkey.)

Gyarados said Are you okay Salamence?

Salamence said Yeah. But will they?

Gyarados said Yes, they will also be wiser! Come on, let's get out of the alley.

(They head to the street of edge. Tyranitar, Excadrill and Aegislash wake up. They look confused.)

Excadrill said What happened?

Tyranitar said I just remember falling asleep.

Aegislash said Gyarados, Garchomp, what are you doing here?

Garchomp said You were drunk and tried to beat up Salamence.

Tyranitar said We're so sorry Salamence.

Excadrill said Yeah, we were drunk so we didn't have control over what we were doing.

Salamence said That's okay, just don't do it again.

Gyarados said Alcohol is very bad. It turns you into an evil person. It's the cause of many murders and accidents.

Garchomp said Gyarados is right.

Tyranitar said We didn't know it was that bad.

Gyarados said Don't drink ever again. Even a single glass of beer or Shadow Juice (TM) may kill you.

Excadrill said Okay. Thanks for telling us.

Salamence said All's well that ends well!

Tyranitar said Thanks for saving us Gyarados.

Aegislash said Yeah, you're an hero.

Gyarados said I'm just doing my job. Now who's for a coffee at the pub?

(Everyone cheers.)

Although the evil alcohol spirit left Tallkey, it hasn't left the world yet. There are many people who are still suffering from alcohol addiction. If you know someone who likes drinking alcohol, even if in small doses, think about how heroic Gyarados was and tell them to stop.

References:

Alcohol Concern (2017) Alcohol Statistics [Online]. Available at . /alcohol-statistics (Accessed 9 September 2017).

Further reading:

Health and Social Care Information Centre (2017). Statistics on Alcohol, England, 2016. HSCIC and ONS.

Office for National Statistics (2017). Adult drinking habits in Great Britain: 2005 to 2016.

Office for National Statistics (2015). Violent crime and sexual offences – alcohol-related violence. ONS.

Office for National Statistics (2017). Alcohol-related deaths in the UK: registered in 2015.

Public Health England (2017). Local Alcohol Profiles for England – Statistical Bulletin, March 2017.

Public Health England (2016). Adults Substance Misuse Statistics from the National Drug Treatment Monitoring System (NDTMS): 1st April 2015 to 31st March 2016.

Fuller, E. ed. (2015). Smoking, Drinking and Drug Use Among Young People in England in 2014. HSCIC and Burton, R. et al (2016). The Public Health Burden of Alcohol and the Effectiveness and Cost-Effectiveness of Alcohol Control Policies: An Evidence Review.

ROSPA (2017). Road safety factsheet: drinking and driving, March

Pryce, R. et al. (2017). Estimates of alcohol dependence in England based on APMS 2014, including estimates of children living in a household with an adult with alcohol dependence: prevalence, trends, and amenability to treatment. University of Sheffield, Kings College London and Public Health

Siegler, V. et al. (2011). Social inequalities in alcohol-related adult mortality by national statistics socio-economic classification, England and Wales, 2001-3. Health Statistics Quarterly

British Beer and Pub Association (2016). Statistical Handbook, 2016.

Verne, J. (2014). Liver disease: a preventable killer of young adults. PHE Public Health Matters, 29th September 2014.


	5. Chapter 23: Gyarados Fun In The Shower

(At da bar, the main 3 are dinkin scallywag)

Tyranitar burped and said that hits da spot.

Excadrill: Can we get on for free?

Aegislash: Chance of such a blessing are as fat as tyranitar's tum

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Excadrill: im getting bored of the same old odd jobs at da pu.

Tyranitar: I want to go back to selling junk

Gyarados: Would you like to go ont th street then?

Aegislash: FOOL! I dot want to go on da streets

Excadrill: were sorry gyarados, we should be more grateful about how kind you are.

Aegislash: i don't like gyarados very much

Gyarados: well i dont like you very much

Aegislash: If you don't like me , you will die!

Gyarados: that means the whole world willm get destroyed.

Aegislash: decent!

Excadrill: the world needs people.

Tyranitar: no shit

Excadrill: ha ha ha ha ha ha h ah a yay!

Aegislash: I DONT CAR!

Salamence: BASIL! i think were running out of scallywag.

Excadrill: will that mean youll need to sell legal beerz?

Gyarados: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way.

Excadrill: hey tyranirar, why have you got da boner?

Tyranitar: oh i was just thinking about a fatdonalds baloon

Aegislash: fool i still mysrerious on the lack of scallywag

Excadrill: what's there to be confused about? salamence said his piece

Aegislash: PIECE OF POO MORE LIKE!

Excadrill: what are you going to do basil?

Gyarados: Oonly salamence is allowed to call me basil.

Excadrill: okay prison boy

Gyarados: prison

Aegislash: i think you should sell more shadow juice and less scallywag

Aegislash: yes

Gyarados: As you know, we're running low on scallswag, were going on a smuggling trip.

Excadrill: who's going to run the pub?

Gyarados: the pub will be closed until we come back. only me and salamence have keys, so no going back to the pub until we're done

Aegislash: I WANT FOOD!

Gyarados: it's llucky for you that we're brining a packed lunch for the trip.

Excadrill: i want fatdonalds

Gyarados: fine, i'll bring marmolade for the trip.

Tyranitar: i need to have most of it

Garchomp: blown the man down, guess you need to start sharing.

Salamence: Quite right garchomp!

Gyarados: Right, the pub is closed. We must have big sleep before the smuggling.

TYranitar: Fine, let's go to bed.

Gyarados: Ah, life is sweat.

(they all go to bed.)

(The next morning)

Tyranitar: WAKE UP WANKERS WE'RE GOING TO SMUGGLE SCALLWAYGS.!

Excadrill: ugh i hat waking up! what time is it?

Tyranitar: 6 o clock, now hurry up. gyarados wants us up and ready to go to the harbour.

Excadrill: how are you going to get to france to to do the smuggling anyway?

Tyranitar: Through salamence's private yot!

Gyarados: good to see you ship shaped and chipper tyranitar

Aegislash: i dont want to be in the same boa as salamenceand garchomp

Tyranitar: Too abad.

Gyarados: Yeah, you have to work with them so deal with it.

Excadrill: i dont want to ride the private yot, ill get seasick

Garchomp: I'm seasick

Aegislash: i think you deserve to have your head dunked in da dirty ditch.

Gyarados: well have brekky when we get to the harbour. there is a fatdonalds there.

Tyranitar: see it isn't all bad.

Excadrill: can we just take a plane?

Tyranitar: depends if salamence has a private jet.

Salamence: i plan on buying one soon

Tyranitar: why dont you buy one now?

Gyarados: you four take the van, me and salamence will take the merc?

Tyranitar: Please can i ride in the merc?

Gyarados: uh no youll do a poo in it!

Aegislash: i dont want to ride in the tin can on wheels

Garchomp: Erm, you're going to ride in the van

Aegislash: what are we going to do about the tincan van?

Gyarados: i think it should be sent for scrap

Tyranitar (trying to move the plot forward): but everyone loves the van

Garchomp: yo ho ho the van is the best

Gyarados: fine, let's go to the harbour

(After arriving at the harbour and having a healthy fatdonalds breakfast, the kindly crew are ready.)

Garchomp: yo ho ho, i want to hear the private pirate plan!

Gyarados: We're sailing to france

Tyranitar: i wonder who will climb up the eiffel tower this time?

Gyarados: we're not going to the eiffel tower, we're going to meet our scallywgag supplier.

Aegislash: i bet he smeels of poo poo.

Salamence: you lot will be loading scalywag into the yot. DON'T SCREW UP!

Tyranitar: Right, lets get on board

Garchomp: yar har har are there any mermaids?

Aegislash: i hear mermaids are dangerous dragons. I hope they eat you up and dont leave any crumbs.

(They bored the private yot, get it because the opening for this one is FUCKING BLOATED!)

Gyarados; Welcome to the private yot.

Garchomp: Where's the crowsnest?

Gyarados: Private yots dont have them stupid/

Salamence: This vot is up to date and cant go wrong.

Tyranitar: Private vot? I didnt know it came from germanty

Gyarados:dont mention the war

(the boat starts sailing)

Excadrill: AHHHH!

(he takes a timble tumble)

Tyranitar: wimP!

Gyarados: if you prove to hidner the crew, you will stay at france

Tyranitar: Yeah!

Tyranitar: maybe you'll find some hot french babes

Gyarados: i found betty at france

Tyranitar: why didn't you take betty this time?

Gyarados: I RUN THE PUB AND I SAY WHAT GOES!

Salamence: Yes sir!

Garchomp: ay aye captain!

Tyranitar: but she could be helpful when getting away from the police.

Gyarados: POLICE!

Excadrill: i fell sick

Garchomp: We could have a sea shantae to cheer us up!

Aegislash: I'd rather listen to linkin PARK!

Gyarados: i believe ive gotten so good that i dont need betty

Salamence: Indeed!

(A storm approaches. It is wet.)

Aegislash: I don't want to get wet by da storm

Gyarados: uyou might have to get wet when pooring scallwaysg into barrels. STOP FUCKING winening.

Tyranitar: yeah listen to gyarados because he runs the pub

Salamence: Stop sucking up to him

Garchomp: SHIP AHOY!

(Excadrill vomits from the side of the ship)

Excadrill: it looks flashy

Gyarados: POLIC!

Excadrill: full speed ahead?

Tyranitar: do you want me to steer?

Excadrill: you'd roprobably eat da wheel

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Salamence: Garchomp, set a cause to the south.

Gyarados: AND HURRY UP!

Salamence: otherwise we'll claim you started the smuggling

Aegislash: I want to laugh at garchomp as he scrubs prison floors

GYarados: PWISON!

(They quickly swim to the south. They manage to get aaways from da police. Well done Gyarados.)

Aegislash: Our rival has left us. We must best be cautoous as to what enter s the dark mist horizooone!

Salamence: Garchomp, what are you doing with that hatch?

Gyarados: GET AWAY FROM THERE! IT's THE...

Garchomp: MAN THE JOLLY RODGER!

(A set of barrels fall in da sea.)

Aegislash: I hope you die of smelling your own shit!

Salamence: IDIOT!

Gyarados: WE NEEDED THESE TO STORE tHE SCALLYWAG IN!

Tyranitar: Garchomps a mate, he had his reasons

Garchomp: Yar har har i saw betty the barrel and i wanted to do a hearty surprise

(Gyarados grabs Garchomp)

Gyarados: i know full weel whaich barrels are witch, i know that NONE OF THESE ARE BETTY! YOU STUPID PRANK HAS LOST US THE BARREL!

Excadrill: what are we going to now do?

Aegislash: I say we drown garchomp. he was always speeching about how he missed atlantis!

Garchomp: um i miss the sea...

Gyarados: Tyranitar, Excadrill, Aegislash, Garchomp, fetch the barrels!

Aegislash: i'm going to betray all of you. i will prove myself as the coolest AND the king!

Garchomp: mustnee in da bootee?

Aegislash: captainneedsthewash will be next.

Gyarados: SHUT UP AND GET DA BARRELS!

Tyranitar: why don't you do it?

Gyarados: we need to make sure that no police boats cum

Excadrill: not all over me

Gyarados: here are two dingees, one for you two tyranitar and garchomp, and one for excadrill and aegislash.

Excadrill: im still sick, you row aegislash.

Aegislash: FEEBLED light creatutes must do a shadow warriors command.

Gyarados: hurry up

(They set off)

Tyranitar said help me with the rowig garchomp.

Garchomp: Im the capn, dont complain!

Aegislash: I think ur being to slow cockwork moose, SPEED UP!

Excadrill: These ores are two heavy.

Garchomp: I can see four barrels at sea!

Tyranitar said four in a stupid way

Excadrill: I think i can sea something

Aegislash: you'll be seeing santa if you don't recover these bareels.

Garchomp: uyo ho ho, its a big beefers life for meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tyranitar shouted THERES A BOAT OVER HEAR!

Gyarados: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

Tyranitar: IT'S WHITE AND HAS FLASHING LIGHTS!

Salamence: IS IT THE POLICE?

Tyranitar: WE SHOULD FIND OUT, IT MIGHT BE A MEDICAL BOAT!

Garchomp: yo ho ho i did da stinky ffart!

Tyranitar: it could help with excadrill's c sickness

Garchomp: no shipmate should be forgotten about

Tyranitar: I THINK ItS A MEDICAL ONE! It COUL D gIVE US SOME SNACKZ!

Excadrill: it could help my sea sickness!

Aegislash: Hmph, proceed with cautious!

Salamence: Let's see what its about basil

Gyarados: FULL SPEED AHEAD!

Garchomp: yar har har that's the sailor's way

Tyranitar: fine, let's go!

(They approach the poli...i mean medical boat)

Leavanny: Hello, you all ook hungry.

Tyranitar: IM HUNGRY!

Aegislash: greedybutts, eat carrots for a change.

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Excadrill: im so sea sick, give me some medicine!

Gyarados: We're on a trip to france and we've lost our containers. could we use your crane to recover them?

Aegislash: i think we should hijack the ship regardles of tes or no!

Tyranitar: I'd love to control a crain!

Leavanny: mat i ask what you're using the containers for?

Garchomp: yar har har, we're using them for smugglign!

Salamence: IDIOT! THEYLL CALL THE POLICE!

Garchomp: yo ho ho, i'm really really honest!

Leavanny: no need to call them...(he exposes himself as a ZOROARK!)...I'm already here!

Gyarados: CHIEF ZOROARK!

Zoroark: get him!

(Two Electrodes approach Gyarados, who is giving a confuzed krabs face.)

Aegislash: fool! you'll never get away without a dark duel!

Tyranitar: yeah, we'll fight for our krew!

(Tyranitar and Aegislash run towards Zoroark, who creates a fog using NIGHT DAZE! This causes Tyranitar, Excadrill, Aegislash, Garchomp and Salamence to get blown away!)

Gyarados: YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! I HAVE BE...oh no...I dont hae betty with me...PWISON!

Zoroark: no trial for you. we know of your smuggling record. off to tallkey prison with you!

(The Electrodes surround him in an electric field)

Gyarados: NO! I CANT GO! NOT PRISON! NO! AAAAAAA! NO! I DONT WANT TO! I DONT WANT TO GO THERE! NOT PRISON! ITS HOWWIBLE! AAAAAAAAAAAA!

(He vomits and shits himself, lol. ZOroark and the Electrodes laugh all the way to prison)

Gyarados: PWISON!

(At tallkey prison, gyarados is ent to da warden)

Empoleon: Welcome to tallkey prison. I am Warden Empoleon...I see...you're a gyarados. I remember when you farther came here.

Gyarados: I ONT ANT TO GO TO PWISON!

Empoleon: Like your dad, you shall spend 69 days here, scrubbing these fine floors.

Gyarados: I DONT WANT 2 SCRUB PWISON FFLOORS! SWRUB THEM YOURSELF!

Zoroark: he was like this when we arrested him.

Empoleon: what do you want a rise? strip him down.

Gyarados: PWISON RAPE!

(The police strip gyradose down to naked. they frick every part of his body. they spend a long time on his dick and butt.)

Zoroark: We have found nothing...but he does smell.

Gyarados: SO DOES PWISON!

Empoleon: Put him in the uniform and send him the cell with prisoner 69635!

Gyarados: PWISON!

(Zoroark throws him into his cell.)

Zoroark: Enjoy prison!

Gyarados: AAAAAAA! NOOOOOOOO! NOT PWISON! NO PWISON FLOORS! NO BREAD AND WALTER WITH NO MARMOLADE!

(All the other prisoners laugh at him)

Hydreigon: Hello Gyarados!

Head 1: long time no see

Head 2: prison isn't that bad

Head 1: Thats cuz you dont have to be the srcubbing arm

Head 2: i dont drop the soap as much as you do

Gyarados: H-HYdreigon (sniff)?

Hydreigon: I'm going a life sentence for putting cancer into one of my jokes

Gyarados: GOOD! I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 69 DAYS FOR SMUGGLING! ITS NOT FAIR! PWISON!

Head 1: I want to be put in a different cells

Head 2: you cried when we were sent here

Head 1: You cried when i got the last cookie in the container!

Head 2: You like cookies cuz ur fat

Head 1: I only like cookies for puding

Head 2: I only eat veg

Head 1: all we have now is bread and walter

Head 2: with NO marmodlade!

Gyarados: I WANT MMARMOLADE!

(At the pub)

Salamence: OH NO! if the poilice have gyarados, that means hes in prison by now!

Gyarados: PWISON!

Excadrill: oh no!

Aegislash: im going to take over the pub!

Salamence: THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE!

Excadrill: it was garchomp's fault

Tyranitar: let salamence admit his mistake!

Salamence: Im going to be with my thoughts for a bit.

(he leaves)

Garchomp: yar har har prin aint all rhat adbad

Gyarados: PWISON!

Excadrill: you could use the opportunity to run a pub again

Garchomp: yo ho ho i want to be the capn.

Aegislash: FOOL" ! we'll still have to deel with the smuggled scallywag!

Tyranitar: no fear, or should i say...BEER!

Excadrill: what's your plan?

Tyranitar: come with me!

(At the evil pub!)

Garchomp: yo ho ho, hello evil twin!

Aegislash: Here is the formula and every scallywag gyarados owns

Evil Twin: EXCELLENT! TRE BIEN! How did you le get them amibo?

Tyranitar: gyarados has been arrested. we might as well donate the scallywag formula to you!

Raichu: oh boy! this coud be the latest scoop! NOTORIOUS PUB RUNNER! FAILED...or i mean...jailed!

Gyarados: PWISON!

Excadrill: we need to decide what will happen to the old pub!

Tyranitar: See ya evil!

(they approach the bus stop near where the van had parked)

Aegislash: Hey look over there! this red vehicle is on fire!

Garchomp: yar har hr, the bus driver is in there. he's aving a snooze in the captains cabin

Tyranitar: SWEET! HE'S DEAD!

Excadrill: oh no! the ice cream man is here too!

Tyranitar: aw well

Crackle: maybe hell sell ice cream in the shadow world!

Garchomp: MAAAAAAAAAAAN the jolly rodger!

Tyranitar: lets go back to the pub and see if salamence has come back.

(At the pub, a pair of electrodes are waiting for them.)

Garchomp: yar har har the evil twin has the scallywag formula now.

Excadrill: what is it?

Electrode: Does Civil Salamence live here.

Tyranitar: Yeah, he claimed that he needed to do sum soul searchin!

Garchomp: yo ho ho, his best friend went to prison.

Gyarados: PWISON!

Electrode: We're sad to inform you that Salamence has just commited ssuicuide...he fell off a cliff with a blaster bullt through his brain

Aegislash: what happened to the carkass!?

Electrode: we didn;t kniow what to do with it...so we dumped in da skip!

Tyranitar: oh dear

Aegislash: i'm going to find his fortune

Excadrill: any of you lot can have the private yot. i sure as hell wont use it.

Electrode: I guess his suicide was because of the amount deaths in partcular countries.

Tyranitar: what do you mean?

Electrode: didn't you know, less than 10 minutes ago, the news reported that over 75 countries have seen deaths of most of their populations.

Tyranitar: oh dear at least we can use salamence's fortune

Aegislash: indeed. we'll be rich. I WILL FINALLY BE THE ULTIMATE POWER!

Garchomp: yo ho ho i wanr rhe prvate yot!

Electrode: Did you say that the evil twin has the formula?

Garchomp: blow the man down, the evil twin is evil

Electrode: Thank you for nofrmfii informing me. there might be a medal in this!

Aegislash: I WANT A MEDAL!

Electrode: Uh the medal might be a lie

Tyranitar: POO!

(Electrode leaves)

Aegislash: FOOL! I STILL MYSTERIOUS ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE PUB!

Tyranitar said I will take over the pub. I will turn in it into a cheese shop

Excadrill: does that mean?

Tyranitar: yes, you get to run a bit of this and a bit of that.

Garchomp: yar har har little bud shall run it welL!

Excadrill: MY NAMES NOT LITTLE BUD!

Aegislash: i shall run a bit f that and a bit of this. salamences feebled ashes shall rise in the form of aegislash the CRUMBLER!

Tyranitar: you both have the budgets too make them work. im getting most of the yummy money though

Garchomp: yar har har thats the sailors way!

Gogoat: I heard that the pub was going to turn into a cheese shop. can i have some? (fartz)

Tyranitar: of course, garchomp, go to salamences inn and get some GREEN CHEESE!

Aegislash: I RUN A BIT OF THAT AND A BIT OF THIS NOW! Pay me a fair sum for the cheese, or will i will curse your soul for a bit/

Tyranitar: OOOOH NOOOO! here's a million for the green cheese.

Excadrill: business is booming!

Garchomp: MAN THE JOLLY RODGER!

(Aegislash goes off and gets the green cheese.)

Tyranitar: how much will you pay for a small cut?

Gogoat: £250. thanks tyranitar, i needed something to cheer me up!

Tyranitar: the police told me about that little inconvenience

Gogoat: not that, the muskateers have died!

Aegislash: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Excadrill: that's awful

Tyranitaar: i shall lower the price to £400

Gogoat: thanks (fartz)

Tyranitar: pour muskateers...

(At prison, a pair of electrodes open gyarados' cell)

Gyarados: Can I go?

Electrode: Nope, its shower time, then you're going to scrub prison floors!

Gyarados: NO! NOT PWISON FLOORS!

Hydreigon: I have to scrub prison floors and deal with it.

Head 1: yeah, you just want to be lazy

Head 2: ur lazy

Head 1: I do all the work

Head 2: no u dont

(after the prisoners have showered, gyarados is given a fucket and mop.)

Gyarados: I WANT TO GO HOME!

(he kicks da bucket, but not in the same way salamence did)

Gyarados: THERE! HERE IS YOUR PRISON FLOORS SCRUBBED!

Electrode: Welp, youve done your fair share, you can have your dry bread and wet walter now!

(at the canteen, gyarados is given some dry bread and wet walter!)

Gyarados: I HATE WET WALTER! I WANT BETTER THAN SCALLYWAG AND MARMOLADE!

Hydreigon: youll never get marmolade again!

Head 1: youll just have dry bread

Head 2: you have a dry wlly

Head 1: at leat it isnt crusty like yours

Head 2: the bread i made in the prison canteen was bigger than your!

Hydreigon: Just accept the fact that your a criminal and no longer da free man!

Gyarados: JUST SHUT UP YOU FAT SHIT!

(he strangles hydreigon and successfully FUCKING killes him! YAY!)

Pangoro: Hey, he just killed hydreigon!

(every prisoner cheered and beered, or should i say, WET WALTERED!)

Gyarados: I RUN THE PUB!

(just then, empoleon comes in!)

Empoleon: did you just kill hydreigon?

Gyarados: YES! He had it coming!

Empoleon: Indeed! you shall be awareded for your efforts!

Gyarados: can i go home?

Empoleon: NO!

Gyarados: can i have marmolade on my dry bread?

Empoleon sighed and said fine, you can have some marmolade!

Gyaraods: Garchomp's right, prison really isn't that bad!

(at the cheese shop a few days later)

Tyranitar: business is fucking booming. this time its legal. MAN I LOVE BEING A MILLION MAN!

(excadrill comes in)

Excadrill: Tyranitar!

Tyranitar: Hey liottle bufd. long time no see. hows my old company?

Excadrill: pretty good. me and raichu have arranged some contracts with some promising clients

Tyranitar: Raichu?

Raichu: hi tyranitar!

Garchomp: Wheres the brandy!

Tyranitar: what happened to the evil twin?

Raichu: evil was recently put in prison for smuggling.

Excadrill: i took raichu in and made her my right hand lady!

(aegislash teleports in!)

Aegislash: There's been mass death in the place where the arabs love live. crobtman and talonflame tried to help but they died too!

Excadrill: guess it isn't a fine day in batman city.

Tyranitar: what are the cause of the all the death! ? lol

Garchomp: lets all sail to scotish island and cheer up!

Excadrill: I dont want to ride the private yout!

Aegislash: I HAVE DA PRIVATE SHADOW JET waiting in da road. we shall sail the dark skies and endure what doom has in store for us.

Excadrill: yeah sure

Tyranitar: good get little bud!

Raichu: oh boy! a private jet on the road, this could be the latest scoop!

(she is setting up da camera to shoot the jet plane aeroplane. then a car comes and runs her over. whoops.)

Garchomp: yar har har, she got hit by da car!

Excadrill: oh dear. that was my cousin!

Tyranitar: we must deal with da body carefully.

(they chuck it in da sea)

Excadrill: RIP Raichu...

Aegislash: you should have been more carful...

Tyranitar: good joke agislash.

Excadrill: ha ha ha ==, that was really funny

Aegislash: the world of shadows is well known for the peoples funny jokes.

Tyranitar: I can tell a half-decent joke myself.

Excadrill: ya a sex dolly

Tyranitar: strawman

(at prison, gyarados is adjusting to his life nicely since he now gets marmolade. until one day, the police come to his cell.)

Zoroark: Gyarados, your new cellmate is your bother, evil gyarados.

(He leaves)

Gyarados: EVIL! what are you doing here?

Evil Twin: i wasz le sent here for ze smuggling. i didnt even smug not chan!

Gyarados: what did you 'smuggle'?

Evil Twin: they claimed that i had ze scallywag. ui waz ze tricked by your waifus.

Gyarados: THEY GAVE YOU THE FORMULA!?

Evil Twin: ya, nat ze right desu.

Gyarados: ill kill the lot of them when i come back! who decided to give you the formula.

Evil Twin: it might hav been ze fat frog.

Gyarados: ...Tyranitar. And what of salamence?

Evil Twin: rumour haz it that the amigo killed himself.

Gyarados: ...no way...MY ARREST LOST MY LOVE! THIS IS ALL THE POLICE'S FAULT! I'LL KILL THE LOT OF THEM!

Evil Twin: not before i ze kill you first amigo.

Gyarados: weel see about that!

(They run towards each other!)

(tyranitar, excadrill asegislash, and garhcohomp decide to go to scotish island on aegislash's provate jet)

Reuniclus: hello boys

Charjabug: long time no see

Reuniclus: what are you doing going to scotish island?

Garchomp: yar har har i used to live there

Excadrill: we think

Aegislash: garchomp was born in a dirty ditch for all icar. he smeels like cauliflower cheese and pond water!

Tyranitar: i hope scottish oiland has a fatdonalds, i have da hankering for sum szechuan scallywag source!

Reuniclus: im afraid you'll be diappointed with the are

Aegislash: is everyone as feebled as garchomp?

Tyranitar: there are n't too many people like garchomp are there?

Excadrill: hahaha, even chubbytar hates garchomp

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Reuniclus: the area has been annialated.

Charjabug: i've come to manage reuniclus' vehicle and recunticlus is here to solve da problems

Aegislash: There are lots of people dying. i hope garchomp's next.

Excadrill: hang on a second, if this is a private jet, then why are you two here.

Tyranitar: i let them in

Aegislash: GREEDYBUTTS! get your own plane!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Garchomp: yo ho ho i ca n see scottish island!

Reuniclus: could i have some air?

Charabug: sure

(the the two open the window and get blown away)

Tyranitar: ...let's just go home

(they do, aegislash doesn;t lament on the fact that he had just wasted plane fuel on a trip which he would never complete)

(at prison, gyarados is victoruious)

Gyarados: I WIN!

(the evil twin is dead for real, so he cannot speak!)

Gyarados: you were too evil anyway?

(empoleon comes to his cell!)

Gyarados: wats da probby?

Empoleon: did you just kill the evil twin?

Gyarados: yeah, he tried to kill me. and now i will kill each one of you for KILLING SALAMENCE! AAAAAAAAA!

Empoleon: murder wont solve everything. we're sorry about what happened to salamence.

Gyarados: YOU WILL DIE IN HELL FOR THIS!

(He attempts to attack Empoleon. He dodges)

Empoleon: you want a riot? ill send some red shirt cops for you to play with. ill also release the other prisoners. it will take you make back to the civil war days!

(every prisoner is let out of their cell! a fuckton of electrodes come towards gyarados.)

Gyarados: HERE's JOHNNAY!

(gyarados sets the barracks a light.)

Electrodes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFIREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (fartz)

Gyarados: you must all burn!

(the prisoners start escaping! jolly boy isn't ready to escape though. he enters the warden's block.)

Gyarados: EMPOLEON WHERE ARE YOU!?

Salamence: Hey Basil!

(salamence lays in a sexy position)

Gyarados: Civil, i thought you were gone

Salamence: I was only pretending to be dead. i was waiting here for you

Gyarados: im so glad your're alive.

(he gets ready to kiss salamence...who reveals himself as chief zoroark)

Zoroark: GO!

(Empoleon uses an ice beam to freeze gyarados. all you can hear is a sneeze from gyarados.)

Gyarados: ACHOO!

Empoleon: now! let's settle this riot, coming zoroark/

Zoroark: very well.

(they head to the barracks...which explodes...KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)

(back at the cheese shop, the main three areand garchomp are watching the news.)

Heliolisk: It grieves me to say that the population of the world has been reduced 100 to. i think it's either time to say goodbye to our lives, or we recolonate...

Tyranitar: that means that there will be less people to buy cheese

Excadrill: not to mention junk!

Garchomp: PRECIOUS BOOTy!

Aegislash: decent, the world is going to get destroyed

Tyranitar: i wonder if gyarados is still alive.

Excadrill: maybe we should go to prison and find out

Aegislash: ...i can't hear the dark echo of the snake screaming prison!

Tyranitar: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! hes dead.

(Bisharp suddenly busts in!)

Bisharp: hello guvnors!

Tyranitar: hey bisharp. we dont have to pay rent to you anymore

Bisharp: did you hear about the tallkey prison riot?

Aegislash: did captain needs the wash die in it?

Tyranitar: of course!

Bisharp: evil did, rumour has it that gyarados is frozen!

Excadrill: what are we waiting for? lets gt him out.

Tyranitar: what will he say about the new pub look!

Aegislash: DECENT! you might get killed by him

(Bisharp reveals a blaster stick!)

Tyranitar: what do you think you're doing?

Garchomp: yar har har PIRATE ENEMY SWORD FIGHT! DRAW YER SORDZ!

Tyrnaitar: he has a blaster stick you moron.

Bisharp: who's the moron? i'm going to put you out of the wrath which you'll get from gyarados.

Aegislash: LEAVE THAT THING FOR ME!

Garchomp: yar har har, let's use betty as a shield!

Excadrill: good idea!

Aegislash: fool! i dont need betty's help!

Garchomp: YO HO HO! ITS A BIG BEEFERS LIFE FOR MEEEEEE!

(He throws betty in front of aegislash.)

Excadrill: take this bisharp!

Bisharp: take this RENTBOY!

(he uses a boomerang to dispose of betty, he then shoots aegislash, garchomp takes the blast for him)

Aegislash: FOOL! TRYING TO STOP OUR WAR!

Bisharp: FUCK! that was my last blaster bullet.

Aegislash: YOULL NEEVER WIN STINKY!

Bisharp: welp, there are no more houses for me to guvern. it looks like the end for me.

(he runs off into the road and gets ran over)

Tyranitar: Garchomp!

Garchomp: yo ho ho! it's not a big beefer's life for me!

(he dies)

Aegislash: hmph, no more beef talk.

Excadrill: no more stinky fartz

Tyranitar: THINK AGAIN! (fartz)

Excadrill: ugh.

Aegislash: what shall we do now?

Tyranitar: we're going to free gyarados and tell him everything.

Excadrill: fine, let's go!

(aegislash TELEPORTS ttehem to tallkey prison, it's in flames.)

Excadrill: This place looks hot...

Tyranitar: No shit!

Aegislash: ill teleport you to where gyarados is.

(he teleports them to the warden's block. gyarados is still frozen despite being next to da fire.)

Tyranitar: Excadrill, Aegislash, you pick up some fire and throw it at gyarados. i'll try and breath at him to thaw the ice.

Tyranitar: FOUR! (fartz)

Excadrill: NOOOOOO!

(the whole world blows uP!)

(Tyranitar wakes up!)

Tyranitar: pants

Excadrill: what's the matter tubby?

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Excadrill: no really what's up?

Tyranitar: i need to tell gyarados something.

Aegislash: WHAT? that you want to be lazy and avoid amuggling for him!

(Tyranitar heads into the kutchen where he sees salamence preparing mambo number 5's morning covfefe)

Tyranitar: where's gyarados?

Salamence: in bed!

Tyranitar: i need to speak to him about something?

Salamence: can it wait?

Tyranitar: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Salamence: fine, ill take you to him.

(at gyarados' room!)

Tyranitar: HEY GYARADOS!

Gyarados: GO AWAY!

Salamence: sorry, i let him in.

Gyarados: what is it?

Tyranitar: remember to tae betty with you when smuggling!

Gyarados: I always take betty with me when smuggling. WHAT KIND OF IDIOT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?

Tyranitar: a rather big one.

Garchomp: yar har har, gyarados is the smartest person i know

Salamence: quite right garchomp.

Tyranitar: what time is it anyway?

Gyarados: 8 o clock

Tyranitar: weren't we meant to leave at 6?

Gyarados: I made a mistake. there was still some scallywag in da basement.

Tyranitar: phew!

Gyarados: however, that does mean you'll have to continue doing menial tasks for me at da pub.

Tyranitar: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! why can't the pub be a cheese shop?

lol


	6. Chapter 24: Cash and Curry

(Aegislash is watchin da pub tv. a surprise looms from above)

Tyranitar burped and said hy aegislash what are you watching?

Aegislash: OMG thos is justim. WONDER GIRL IS COMING OUT IN A FEW MONTHW!

Excadrill: what's going on?

Tyranitar and Aegislash: WONDER GRIL IS COMING OUT!

Excadrill: sweat. hopefully it will sstar a woman this tome around. otherwise the director wil be getting strong wordz/

Aegislash: Tyranitr shall knever no tru stength!

Tyranitar: O RLY!

Gyarados: HELLO BOYS! I LOVE RUNNING DA PUB!

Aegislash: FOOL! you just want to play cards with da customerz

Gyarados: oi! im young!

Excadrill: you look pleased as healthy bowel of carrots. what's up?

Aegislash: i don't like gyarados very much

Gyarados: today's me and betty's anniversary

Aegislash: i'm cooler than you. i dont gt pleasure from a plastic container!

Gyarados: BETTY is made of wood geniiusosd

Aegislash: JUST LIKE UR WILLY!

Excadrill: your just jealous because gyarados will get more sex with betty than you will with a real woman

Tyranitar: we don't have to have a betty origin story do we?

Gyarados: uh yes we do because the fans have been asing for it

Excadrill: what fans?

Tyranitar: I'm glad i don't have sexy sex with a barrel

Aegislash: IT WAS WITH THAT FEEBLED DOLL!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Salamence: BASIL! did you buy a box of choccy chocolates for betty?

(Gyarados puts on a pair of sunglasses)

Gyarados: i bought 2 boxes)

Excadrill: hey tyranirar, why have you got da boner?

Tyranitar: oh i was justlooking at betty

Aegislash: fool i still mysrerious on the anniversary

Excadrill: r u goin out 4 da romantic mmeal?

Aegislash: I suggest shadow diner!

Excadrill: i think you should go to the evil pub for a romantic dinner!

Gyarados: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gayrados: we're going on a balloon ride!

Garchomp: can we come?

Gyarados: the basket can carry six people, so yes.

Aegislash: i dont want to cum

Garchomp: yar har har, you just want to take over the pub!

Gyarados: As you know, we have ballon in da back garden. we use it tomorrow!

Excadrill: how long will we be gone

Gyarados: if you behave, a day!

Aegislash: I WANT FOOD!

Gyarados: it's llucky for you that we're brining a packed lunch for the trip.

Tyranitar: i suggest having a healthy fatdonalds dinner with betty

Gyarados: we're talking about the picnic which i have just this minit prepared fato

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Garchomp: IS THER BAEF!?

Salamence: i'll bogo and blow the balloon!

Gyarados: Right, i'll just leave the picnic basket here so we can forget about it later on then ill join you

TYranitar: Fine, let's go outside

Gyarados: Ah, life is sweat.

(they all go to pub garden!.)

(at the ballonn)

Tyranitar: i think da ballon sould be green

Excadrill: i think it should be a nice orange

Salamence: orange and green are colours for POUR people!

Tyranitar: POUR!

Excadrill: what colour is the baloon gyarados?

Tyranitar: yeah, gon on !

Gyarados: all right, all right. the balloon is based on me!

Aegislash: i want it to look like a skull!

Tyranitar: Too abad.

Gyarados: Yeah, it's not your balloon.

Excadrill: i'm glad we're not sailing

Garchomp: I MISS THE SEA!

(salamence blows the balloon)

Aegislash: i want shadow juice at the picnic

Gyarados: i brought some shaow juice for you, scallywag for tyranitar, excadrill and garchomp. your paying for all this

Tyranitar: POO!

Excadrill: can we just stay here?

Tyranitar: gyarados cant crust us with da pub

Salamence: ta da! here is the balloon! ITS WORTH A LOT OF MONAY!

Tyranitar: perhaps i should start selling balloonz

Gyarados: youll just sell fatdonalds ones

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: all bored!

Aegislash: i want to get on first!

(he pushes and shoves eveyone)

Garchomp: Erm, betty's going in first

Aegislash: i dont give a fuck about that piece of plank compost!

Gyarados: you heard garchomp, ladies first! aegislash, go to the back.

Aegislash: (starts crying) I HATE YOU GARCHOMP!

Tyranitar (trying to move the plot forward): fine, let's get on da balloon!

Garchomp: MAN THE JOLLY RODGER!

(on the balloon they are rising to the skies)

Garchomp: yo ho ho, i thought we were sailing the seaaaaaaaaaaaasa

Gyarados: who told you that shit?

Tyranitar: ummm

Gyarados: stop telling tales to garchomp. as a punishment, you have to have your beerz on da expensiv!

Aegislash: HAHAHA! you smeell!

Salamence: he was talking about all three of you you dingpot!

Tyranitar: this is going to be the worst trip ever!

Garchomp: yar har har where's the brandy?

Aegislash: the sack of crust has a point, IWANT SHADOW jucie!

Gyarados; all right, calm down, i can't seem to find the picinc basket!

Garchomp: blow the man down, we left it behind.

Gyarados: fine, let's go back down and get it

(he pop da balloon so it lands them back down to the pub)

Gyarados: Ah, there's the picnic basket?

Tyranitar: god its heavy, i hope a yummy feast is in there.

Gyarados: your oonly getting a little bit of it.

Excadrill: to be fair, tyranitar does get a bt greddy with da yummy food.

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

(the balloon is pumped back upand they fl tiy to the skies)

Salamence: BASIL! did you give betty her present?

Gyarados: betty, happy 2 year wedding anniverary. here are two boixes of chocolares

(he kisses betty)

Tyranitar: GROS!

Tyranitar: can i have some chocolates

Gyarados: GET YOUR OWN FATTY!

Tyranitar: (laugh nowO)

Gyarados: may we have at least 2 year mores years smuggling together

Salamence: (sheds a ytear) so moving

Garchomp: I WANT A BRARREL!

Tyranitar: im not sure if youll see 2 more yeaers. gyarados might die of old age

Gyarados: oi im young!

Excadrill: how old is betty?

Garchomp: yar har har, im the oldest shipmate. I'm pub veteran!

Aegislash: HA! more like pub vermin!

Gyarados: NO! betty is pub veteran. ive recently checked the statistics. betty was crafted in the 1940s.

Salamence: she's an anteek then!

Aegislash: i hope betty dumps gyarados for another barrel!

Gyarados: oi! i'm not a barrel!

Tyranitar: betty was made in the 40s eh? thtat means gyarados is a milf hunter!

Salamence: says the one who spoons his mummy on the daily basis!

Garchomp: SHIP AHOY!

(the evil twinna nd raichu arrive on teir own balloon)

Excadrill: it looks flashy

Gyarados: EVIL!

Evil: BROTHER!

Tyranitar: raihchu too?

Excadrill: what are you doing with da camera?

Raichu: we saw an enemy ship and decided to film for a scoop!

Salamence: your ballon looks like it was bought at da charity shop!

Gyarados: YEAH!

Evil: We're going to film ze balloon battle where you waifus lose!

Aegislash: I want traichu's camera to get wet from being covered dirty bitchwater!

GYarados: you' don't have any way of battling us.

GarchomP: yar har har, we could use casey the cask as a cannonball!

Aegislash: idiots...i'm surrounded by them!

Salamence: Garchomp, her name is berrty!

Gyarados: Yeah! get your innocent pub facts fight right!

Garchomp: CAN WE USE HER AS A CANNONBALL!?

Gyarados: I run the puB! and I sayd we donnnnnnt!

Aegislash: how are going we to beat feebled twin!

Evil: YOU CANT LE WIN! MY BALLOON IZ ZE BIGGER DESU!

Gyarados: you know what? let's just ignore the evil twiN!

Tyranitar: excellent idea! glad i thought of it!

Garchomp: blow the man down, gyarados thought up the idea!

(they leave evil and raichu!)

Raichu: quite an anti-climactic scoop if i say so myself!

Evil: CURSES! NOW WE SHALL NEVER STEEL ZE FORMULAMIGO!

Raichu: et's just fucking go home.

(the group are nearing town. aegislash has something to say)

Aegislash: town smells of pooey pandcakes!

Garchomp: I MISS THE SEA!

Gyarados: i'm so gld we beaten evil twin!

Aegislash: the eviltwin is PATHETIC! he should have a shave!

Garchomp: LONG LIVE THE KINDLY KREW!

Aegislash: captainneedsthewash, where are we going?

Gyarados: to the cuntyside to have picnic lunch!

(tyranitar snoops into da picnic basket!)

Tyranitar: mmm, a cake and a bumper pack of better than scallywag!

Gyarados: ITS FOR ME AND BEETY! NOT YOU!

Excadrill: hahaha, ur fat tubbytar!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: besides! its not your basket, now stop being an annoying and selfish SHIT!

Excadrill: im so glad im not annoying!

Aegislash: i can see all the ffebled establishments from here! a shadow shall be cast above tem!

Gyarados: yeah, sure whatever!

Tyranitar said i can see starmie bucks from here

Garchomp: yar har har! can we get a mug of coto hoho there?

Aegislash: i like starmiebucks. it does shadow juice!

Excadrill: then why not go there instead of the pub!?

Garchomp: I can see the sea!

Tyranitar said the shop closes as six little bud!

Excadrill: MY NAME'S NOt LITTLE BUD!

Aegislash: the shadow juice is much cheaper at starmie bucks!

Garchomp: blow the man down, starmiebucks deosn;t have gyaraods!

Tyranitar: gyarados never gave us cheap or legal beers!

Gyarados: give it a rest! i dont need to be told that my beers arent what you want all the time!

Tyranitar: git gud mate!

Salamence: BASIL! im getting a draft! fly lower!

Gyarados: yes ok!

(he lets off air)

Tyranitar: hey i can see faatdonalds!

Garchomp: the finest at sea!

Tyranitar: I THINK there should be ship which is dedicated to selling fatdonalds.

Excadrill: but id get seasick!

Aegislash: Hmph, i'm more important to the world than you!

Salamence: shame i cant make any millions ytoday!

Gyarados: remember that you are going on a free picnic!

Garchomp: yo ho ho gyarados is really generous!

Tyranitar: if you think that's bad salamence, remember the time i was having eye problems and had to go to specsavers to fix them?

(in the van)

Excadrill: can the van go any slower?

Tyranitar: IM HUNGRY!

Aegislash: the van should take gas from the void!

Tyranitar: or even my gas (fartz)

Excadrill: smelly!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Aegislash: where does the sign say town is snotty slimeball?

Tyranitar: to the south!

Excadrill: that's funny, i remember it being to the north!

Aegislash: hmph, we must be taking da shadow shortvut!

(at an area which is very different from town)

Excadrill: this isnt the town i know and love

(they see a passerby)

Aegislash: CREATURE! IS THIS EDGE TOWN!?

Mimikyu: yo no, dis is edge down stupid!

Aegislash: fool! you should have gone to specsavers!

Tyranitar: OOO NOOOO!

(tyranittar learnt an importatnt lesson, dont park next to an orange car.)

Gyarados: we're going to be about 10 minutes to the countryside. if you need a wee wee, do it off the balloon!

Garchomp: yar har har, what about a pooey poo!?

Gyarados: uh same thing as a wee wee!

Gyarados: don't worry bety, soon well have some alone time!

Tyranitar: how did you first meeeeeeet betty?

Gyarados: it all started when during my dad's final days of pub runnin!

(he flashes back to a faitful day when he came into his daad's cabin, he was packing some belongings!)

Gyarados: Hey dad, why are you packing?

Gyarados' dad: i'm going on a smuggling trip, you run the pub while im away

Gyarados: how long do you think you'll be gone?

Gyarados' dad: not sure, my stealth skills arent as good as they used to be. i fear the police may catch me this time

Gyarados: I DONT WANT THAG TO HAPPEN!

Gyarados' dad: when i cum out of prison, if im sent there that is, i will retire and you will run the pub!

Gyarados: PWISON! im not sure if i can do it

Gyarados' dad: you hav my blood and shit my son. i have a gift when the time cums for you to smuggle!

Gyarados: what is it?

Gyarados' dad: this barrel!

Gyarados: was it yours?

Gyarados' dad: NOOOOOOO! I found it at da scrapyard. it could be good for escaping!

Gyarados: it looks hot. you should use it to get away from the police!

Gyarados' fad: im to old to fit into this now. you and this barrel will make a perfect combination. oh crap its getting late, i need to go to bed early so i can start smuggling early!

Gyarados: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! wow what a cute barrel, i'll call it betty!

(he places a bow on it)

Gyarados: thaat should serpareate it from the mundaney barrels!

(back at present dy, gyarados has finished da story!)

Gyarados: and that was how i got betyty!

Salamence: I thought da story was romantic!

GarchomP: yar har har, an excellent sea story!

Gyarados: but we're in the sky stupid!

Tyranitar: romantic? excellent? i thought the story was just you and your dad talking, and you said prison in a way which could get really annoying!

Gyarados: PWISON!

Excadrill: we seem to be approaching the main road

Aegislash: i want to go to the forbidden woods of illusions and playb dark trix on eevryone!

Gyarados: calm down we're just going to a meadow!

Garchomp: yo ho ho, i thought we were sai...

Tyranitar: Garchomp, gyarados said that we were going to the countryside many times.

Salamence: we can't sail the seas all the time rotten rumbeard!

Garchomp: yar har har, where's the bandy?

Excadrill: uh, salamence said ruM!

Gyarados: is it scallywag?

Aegislash: of course it isn't you fucking retard treackle dildo!

Gyarados: do you want to be chucked of da balloon?

Salamence: chuck him off! I THINK E'S ANOOOOOOOOYING!

Gyarados: im not going to let you ruin my time with betty aegislash, NOW SHUT UP!

Excadrill: you sure like betty!

Aegislash: im going to take over the pub!

Salamence: the pub would be in ruins by the time we get back!

Excadrill: hey gyarados?

Gyarados: can i be with betty for a bit?

Tyranitar: but you're with betty right now!

Gyarados: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT CHHEKY CHUBBY CHILD!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Garchomp: i want a bareel!

Gyarados: TEHN GET ONE FROM DA SHOPS!

Excadrill: wats yr favourite fruit n veg?

Gyarados: excadrill, i have many things which i need to worry about rgight now, my favourite fruit n veg ISN'T ONE OF THEM! now make urself useful and check where the cuntreside is!

Aegislash: HA! you pathetic creature! YOU GOT TOLD OFF!

Excadrill: says te one who cried when he got sent to da back of the line!

Tyranitar: im so gld i havnt been told off yet.

Salamence: BASSIL! WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF HOt AIR!

Garchomp: ABANDON SHIP!

Aegislash: i hope the balloon falls into a dirty ditch

Gyarados: the only way we can do this is through firewood!

Tyranitar: its betty's annvieraty, its time to make her useful!

Excadrill: but betty is gyarados' wife!

Gyarados: we must all make scrificasecfices sacrifices. i can mend her withc sticky icky glue when we et get back!

Excadrill: fine, lets start the fire!

Tyranitar: betty is going to be hot!

(they start a nice warm toasty fire)

Aegislash: i like watching bitty get burned!

Garchomp: yar har hr, gyaados is going to mend her with glue!

Gyarados: I think aegislash heard me!

Salamence: BASIL! the fires are getting too bhot!

Tyranitar: aw well

Aegislash: everyone would be happy if you got burned and cried!

Gyarados: aegislash, shiut up! salamence, blow the fires if you find them too hot!

Tyranitar: these storm clouds dont llok good!

Gyarados: if it rains then weel need to find shelter when having yummy picnic!

Tyranitar: im hungry, can I have a bit now?

Garchomp: yar har har you need to be ab ite more patient!

Excadrill: hey gyarados!

Gyarados: is ut aboout this ride?

Tyranitar: Yeah, stop asking about friut and verggyes, i dont even lick them!

Garchomp: yo ho ho, you are fucking fat!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: I WAS TALKING TO EXCADRILL!

Salamence: yeah, shut up peasants!

Aegislash: know presetnas 4 u!

Gyarados: can everyone just SHIT UP! what is it excadrill!

Excadrill: we're in the meadow area!

Aegislash: if it smells of cowpat, im havin everything in daa hamoer!

Excadrill: id suggest ladnging in that brwon surface which is the next to da forest!

Gyarados: THATS A DITCH YOU BIYCTCH!

Tyranitar: i could do this better!

Gyarados: gon then :D!

Tyranitar: oh dear i have tummy ache then!

Aegislash: you ate the hamper! if you aten any shadow donuts, you will die!

Garchomp: yo ho ho tyranitar arw the treasure chest which contained the picnic lunch!

Gyarados: IS THIS TRUE!

Garchomp: blow the man down, tyranitar is greddy!

Gyarados: I WASN'T AKING YOU!

Aegislash: there's a reason why he has a tummy ache!

Gyarados: TYRANITAR!

Tyranitar: um im pretening to have dayummy ache to avoid working!

Gyarados: did you eat the hamper!

Tyranitar said I took 1 cream cake!

Gyarados: what one was it!

Tyranitar: sigh, one of the lemon ones!

Excadrill: I wanteeed that fatso!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: I WAS GOING TO HAVE A LEMON ONE! no more cream cakes for you!

Garchomp: yar har har everyone else gets a cream cake except you!

Tyranitar: OOOOH NOOOO!

Excadrill: you deserve this you piece of shit!

Aegislash: i think tyranitaar should be pushed off da ballonn. the contrption will accelerate without such wait!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Salamence: ill look for a good landing spot basil!

Gyarados: okay, thanks madeeer!

Garchomp: I WISH I WAS GYARADOS' FAVOURITE!

Aegislash: i want my picnic!

Excadrill: be patient! HURRY UP GAYRADOS!

Salamence: try landing near this empty patch here. AND DONT LAND TOO CLOSE TO THE WATER!

Gyarados: ...it's as though you invited me to this balloon ride!

Tyranitar: i can see something flying towards the balloon!

Gyarados: boo hoo, i cnant see anything

Tyranitar: nats cuz ur old!

Gyarados: alrgith, we get it!

Aegislash: it looks like a mystreious bowel!

(it flies towards excadrill)

Excadrill: OOOO OOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (it splats on his face) CURRY!

Garchomp: yo ho ho, you got covered in curry!

Excadrill: it feels really hot.

Tyranitar: can i have some?

Excadrill: get ur own tubby!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: can we all just be quiet? i want to land this and have my picnic!

Garchomp: yar har har, can you see cut throat jake down there?

Gyarados: DON'T CARE!

Salamence: garchomp! make urself useful and reduce the amount of hot air

(a gust of wind blows the balloon closer to the ditch!)

Salamence: BASIL! WERE NEAERING DA DITCH!

Gyarados: I KNOW!

(garchomp grabs da pin and pops the balloN!)

GarchomP: MAAAAAAAAAAAN THE JOLLY RODGER!

(the balloon sstarts flying to the ground. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Gyarados: NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

Aegislash: im afraid youll taste so good to the crocodiles that theyll want seconds

Tyranitar: that means were one step closer to having our picnic!

Gyarados: we're not having da picnic in the bdithc!

Salamence: BASIL! i dont want to fall in the ditch!

Gyarados: there isnt much i can do now!

Tyranitar: but u run da puB!

Gyarados: what use is that wen were about to fall in a ditch!?

Garchomp: Ahoy cap'n!

(gyarados gives a confused krabs face)

Gyarados: oh what is it now?

Garchomp: is there any buried seamen in the water?

Excadrill: IM GOING TO JUMP OFF!

(gyarados pulls him back!)

Gyarados: I RUN THE PUB! I ay youre stying here!

Tyranitar: are here any life jackets?

Excadrill: tyranitar had better get an XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL one!

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: uh no, there arent any life jakets because i wasnt banking on garchomp popping fa ballloon!

Aegislash: I WANT A BLACK LIFE JACKET!

Gyarados: I SAID THAT THERE WERENT ANY JACKETS YOU BRAT!

Aegislash: Hmph, feebeld!

Salamence: we're going to crash!

Garchomp: ABANDON SHIIIIIIIP!

Gyaraods: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(they fall in da ditch water)

Tyranitar: I'M ALL WET!

Aegislash: I LANDED NEXT TO GARCHOMP!

Excadrill: IM ALL DIRTY!

Salamence: SO AM I!

Tyranitar: you've herred of elf on da shelf, now get ready for little bud in the mud!

Excadrill: MY NAME'S NOTLITTLE BUD!

Garchomp: yo ho ho, i did da stinky fart!

Tyranitar: softens da smell of the dirty ditch walter

Gyarados: aare zyou okay betty?

Garchomp: Wheres the brandy?

(he spots betty, who is perfectly intact)

Gyarados: at least i still have you in times like this.

Excadrill: how come betty isnt burnt up?

Gyarados: betty is fireprooff!

Aegislash: i bet she cant teleport!

Gyarados: unlike any of you lot, betty cant whine like a baby!

Tyranitar: do you have a plan gyarados?

Garchomp: yar ahr har, what have you got up ur sleeve capn'n?

Gyarados: me and betty came here once before. the two us used to explore together during the holidays. we once landed in da ditch. we got out using our love in each other.

(tyranitart, excadriill, aegislash, salamence and garchomp look very bored)

Gyarados: if it could happen once then i can do it again!

Tyranitar: your such an hero gyarados

Salamence: we have faitch in you basil!

Gyarados: first i must formulate da plan

Garchomp: yar har har, are we going to hunt for bried seaman?

Excadrill: its a ditch, how can we?

Tyranitar: maybe a magicc hamper may fall from the sky

Salamence: it had better be a golden one/

Excadrill: a nutrritious meal should inside of it

Aegislash: i bet sirfartzalot will eat everything in it

Tyranitar: (laugh now)

Gyarados: we don;t need a magic hamper nor buried treasure

Aegislash: huh?

GarchomP: um, its buried seaman!

Gyarados: me and betty are going to get out of this pleace through the power of tewamwork n survivall. even if it takes me ALL NIGHT!

(he passes out)

...To be continued!

(the group are kicking gyarados' karkass)

Tyranitar: oi! wake up! where's my free picnic?


	7. Chapter 25: Snap, Crackle and Pop

+(tyranitar, excadrill, aegislash and garchomp are driiviing home from getting da yummy supplies for gyarados. they are in a hurry!)

Excadrill said can the van go any slower?

Aegislash said i knew we should have taken da shadow car!

Garchomp said yar har ar everyone loves the van

Tyranitar burped and said yeah, be more greatful with what ue got!

Excadrill said but gayrados will yell at us fro bin l8 agaiN!

Aegislash said IM GOING TO BLAME IT ON GARCHOMP!

Tyranitar said O RLY!

Garchomp said we could say taht we had a pirate enemy sword fight with the evil twin!

Aegislash said FOOL! that would go down too quickly as i would win!

Garchomp said yar har har, that's the sailor's way!

Excadrill said gyarados wont believe that we won so easily though!

Aegislash said gyarados will never know true strength!

Gyarados said but he's the cap'n

Aegislash said BEING captainneedsthewash is muffin to proud of!

Tyranitar said where?

Aegislash said THERE ARE NO MUFFINS POOPYMAN!

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Excadrill said we need to change the subject.

Tyranitar said the yellow road to texas...

Aegislash said SHUT UP YOU FEEBLED SPACEMAN AND PLAY LINKIN PARK INSTEAD!

Garchomp said yar har har, playin in da park?

Excadrill said i can see a stalled car up ahead!

Tyranitar said let's overtake bake make it!

Garchomp said GIVE EM A SHIT ACROSS THE BOWS!

(the car in question pulls out)

Garchomp said ABANDON SHIP!

Excadrill said STOOOOOOOP!

Tyranitar said i can't crash, i don;t have insurance!

(they dump bump into the car)

Excadrill said IDIOT! now we have to pay for thr damage!

Aegislash said I want gyarados to pay for it.

Excadrill said we has to hold oru breathe to get the van unclamped!

(A Honchkrow and a Lycanroc Night appear to the van)

Honchkrow said did you do this?

Garchomp said blown the man down, no we didn't

Lycanroc said then who did?

Aegislash said the car who did was using dark forces to turn invisivle!

Garchomp said yar har har, the van can't turn invisisble though!

Honchkrow said you're coming with us! you shall do every word we say!

Excadrill said or what?

(Lycanroc aims a blaster stick at the group!)

Aegislash said I SHALL CHALLENGE YOUT TO A BLASTER STICK DUEL!

Honchkrow said i wouldn't, this blaster stick holds 999 ammo.

Tyranitar said can i have one?

Lycanroc said if you ask nicely to the boss, then maybe.

Tyranitar said OOOOOH, i dont want to use manners!

Garchomp said IS THER BAEF!?

Honchkrow said shut up and follow us to the dinge dungeons!

Lycanroc said i'll drive, you ride shotgun incase they try to escape

TYranitar said Fine, let's go.

Excadrill said gyarados, will be fucking pissed

(they drive to da dinge dungeons)

(at the dinge dungeins, the group are very curious)

Tyranitar said are we settling things over a meal?

Excadrill said i hoope we dont hav to pay 4 it

Tyranitar said FOUR!

Honchkrow said STAY HERE until we say you can come in.

(Honchkrow and Lycanroc leave to greet a car coming into the drive. out of the car emerages an orange tyranitar, they walk into the dinge dungeons)

Incineroar said gooday sirs

Lycanroc said we'll be ordering something soon. keep all hands on deck.

(honchkrow, lycnroc and the orange tyranitar enter the basement. the tyranitar doesnt look amused)

Honchkrow said what's up mafia don double? you look fucking pissed?

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble rice krispies!

Lycanroc said yes sir

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble seventeeno, what is that faaggot van in driveway about (fartz)

Honchkrow said this van contained a group of four people who bumped our merc.

Mafia Don Double said and why are you mumblemumblemumble bringing them here?

Lycanroc said well, we wanted them...

Mafia Don DOuble said MUMBMLE MUBMBELE MUMBLE! i was talking to seventeeno,not yoy salvatore!

Honchkrow said we want them to pay for the damages!

Mafia Don Double said YOU WORK FOR ME MUMBLE MUMBLE SEVENTEENO! pay for yourself!

Honchkrow said people, especiallt tthese brats will start waalking all over us if they think they can wreck our expensive items.

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble mumble mumble i just want them out of my sight!

Lycanroc said we wont get you involved, honest don!

Mafia Don Double said you may both leave (fartz)

(Lycanroc and Seventeeno arrive back at the drive)

Lycanroc said come! HURRY UP!

Garchomp said yo ho ho, i want a big baef pie!

Aegislash said i want a shadow burger!

Honchkrow said we didn;t say you could talk!

Aegislash said hmph!

(They re-enter the dinge dungeons!

Incineroar said what can i get you?

Honchkrow said what do you all want?

Garchomp said yar har har a big baef pie

Excadrill said who is paying for it?

Lycanroc said we didn't ask you to ask us questions!

Tyranitar said a steak and kiddy pie!

Aegislash said i want shadow burger!

Excadrill said A veggie pie!

Tyranitar said gross!

Incineroar said anything for you?

Honchkrow said not hungry!

Lycanroc said a steak and kiddy slice!

Incineroar said coming right up, free of charge!

Honchkrow said NO! this is their trea...

Tyranitar said free of charge? now gyarados could learn a thing or two about that.

Honchkrow said ...yeah...free of charge!

Incineroar said ben will come in a minute.

Lycanroc said im so sorry for acting so hasty boys, we shall find you a seat.

Tyranitar said you seem to be the nicer one out of the two

Excadrill said that honchkrow is a big meanie!

Tyranitar said he isn't even not fun enough to not order not nothing.

(they sit at the table, honchkrow arrives with the meal boxes.)

Honchkrow said better than scallywags across the board

Lycanroc said enjoy

(the two raise their glasses.)

Tyranitar said sweat! let's eat

Tyranitar said sorry about the merc

Lycanroc said plenty more where that came from

Tyranitar said oh, pkay.

Honchkrow said we would like you to meet with our boss

Lycanroc said our boss is a busy man, thankfully he has enough time to meet you

Garchomp said yar har har, where is he?

Tyranitar said maybe he owns the place

Honchkrow said (lowers voice) in da basement!

Excadrill said cool! ive never been in da dinge dungeons basement bafriore!

Garchomp said yo ho ho, this baef pie is really scrummy!

Aegislash said while i prefer shadow juice, better than scallywag hits the fucking spot!

Lycanroc said now you're satisfied, we shall meet the boss

Honchkrow said i'd suggest your best behaviour, he is very strict

Aegislash said i don't take orders from anyone who isnt myelf!

Honchkrow said our boss relishes in loyalty, treatury breaks his heart

Tyranitar said im loyal!

Excadrill said ya, a sex doll

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Garchomp said yar har har, that's the sailor's way!

Lycanroc said stay here, we'll inform the boss of your presents!

Aegislash and Tyranitar said You mean there are presentz ere?

Excadrill said NO!

(Lycanroc and Honchkrow enter the basement, the mafia don double is sleeping)

Honchkrow said BOSS, wake up!

Mafia Don Double said (attempting to strangle 17no) mumbl mumble mumble seventino, WHY DID YOU WAKE ME YOU FAGGOT!? I DONT LIKE WAKING UP!

Lycanroc said these guests...

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble i wasn't asking you salvatory

Honchkrow said these guests could be of interest to you...they know basil gyarados

Mafia Don Double said let them enter!

Lycanroc said enter!

(they enter the mafia don double's room, he looks shocked to see them!)

Aegislash said another tyranitar! a dark doppleganger!?

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble mumble, my name is the mafia don double, mumble mumble you have said hello to my little friends salvatory and seventeeno here!

GarchomP said yo ho ho, hello litte friends!

Aegislash said idiot we have already met these two playing pieces in this miserable chess game we calll life!

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble mumble mumble rice krispies! our business is a mafia, operating the bottom of the mumble mumble dinge dungeons. we are te most powerful popl in tall key

Honchkrow said shall we take our leave?

Mafia Don Double said yes, this mumble mumble matter is between us!

Garchomp said yar har har let's all have a harty bowl of rice krispies

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble good idea!but that is not why we're here. i have ben told that you know gyarados, basil, gyarados.

Aegislash said captainneedsthewash, a feebled pub runner who woont let me have shadow juice on the cheap!

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble mumble, i thought as much. i prefer for the evil twin myself. mumble mumble mumble, though me and evil have had only recently rekindled r friendship (fartz).

Excadrill said no one likes the evil twin.

Tyranitar said MATS! i knew this was too good to be true!

Garchomp said blow the man down, they gave us 3 food

Tyranitar said (holds a mug of duff) good pint!

Excadrill said what do you want from us? the formula?

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble mumble mumble, that formula could be ours instantly. we just need to declare another civil mumble mumlbe war and win in an instant.

Excadrill said what makes you so sure?

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble mumble, we destroyed the universes of every other sitcom.

Tyranitar said what are we going to doooooooooooooooooooooooo (wets himself agasin)

Aegislash said you smells of pooey pandcakes!

Garchomp said I CHALLENGE YOU TO A PIRATE ENEMY SWORD FIGHT!

Mafia Done DOuble said mumble i dont have a sword

Aegislash said neither does the feebled fuckadeer. he just says sword fight because he is smelly

Garchomp said blow the man down, guess i win!

Aegislash said HA! you make yourself out to be a cool mafia don, yet you lose to a shadowless being such as garchomp!

(The Mafia Don Double teleportz up to the beef guy and punches him iin deez nutz)

Garchomp said yo ho ho, im really reallly hurt!

Tyranitar said who are you?

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble, now you know of our strength. now listen to us and do as we say

Excadrill said fine...

Tyranitar said can we get home soon, gyarados will tell us off!

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble, i fought alongside gyarados in the pub mumble mumble war. not long afterwards i kept gyarados possession of something important. something important i could have sold at da market.

mumble mumble gyarados was greddy, he kept this treasure for himself. i went to mumble muumble evil twin as revenj. mumble mumble although me and evil broke up after mumble i was in a position where i couldnt

compensate him for a failure in scheme i proposed to get gyarados put in prison.

Gyarados said PWISON!

Mafia Don Double said mumbmle mumble eventually i repayed his dept and we continued doing mumble mumble business togeter1!

Excadrill said what do you want from us though?

Aegislash said if you dont tell us, youll get pinched by the power of my shadow fingers

Mafia Don Double said mumble mublmnble, we want gayrados to hand the mumbl mubmle trwausew to us

Tyranitar said or else what?

Garchomp said um he didnt say or else yet

Aegislash said bullying gyarados could be fun!

Excadrill said gyarados as has always been so kind and awesome to us

Garchomp said he is the cap'n!

Tyranitar said weel always prove our loyatlty to the pub

Excadrill said if we do, gyarados might give me 3 dinks!

Mafia Don Double said nmumble mumble if the limey doesnt cimpprendend computer, we will annoucne anoter civil war on him. we will make you an offer you can't refuse.

Garchomp said yar har har, civil salamence

Tyranitar said weeluse the power of teamwork to beet u!

Tyranitar said git gud mate!

Mafia Don Double said mumble seventeeno, salvatory, you may let them go. give them a mumble lift.

Tyranitar said dont worry, we have the van!

Honchkrow said we're holding it a ransome, until gyarados gives us da treasure

Garchomp said yo ho ho, we could sail to different places on the enchanted maps

Tyranitar said but everyone loves th...

Excadrill said i don;t

Aegislash said no one likes the fucking van, its not in the void but right now, its in the next best place!

Lycanroc said come, and stay silent

Honchkrow said and we've child locked the car so you cant touch anything. youve damged it already!

Garchomp said yo ho ho we get to ride the merc

Tyranitar said I WANT TO DRIVE IT AND BEEP DA HOORN!

(at the innocent pub, lycanroc and 17no leave them and dont say goodbye!)

Honchkrow said we expect at the dinge dungeons by 11 tomorrow!

(they leave)

Tyranitar said IM HUNGRY!

Aegislash said we must feel gyarados' wrath. if he doesnt listen, he will go to prison!

Gyarados said PWISON!

(they enter the pub, gyarados is aiming a blaster stick at them. OH NO!)

Tyranitar said gyarados, we can explain!

Excadrill said your obese tyranitar

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Gyarados said you should have been back two hours ago. where is the stock!?

Aegislash said the van has been kidnapped by a foolish mafia. they claim that they want a shadow artifact from you

Gyarados said a what?

Salamence said must mean rare piece of merchanie

Garchomp said PRECIOUS BOOTY!

Gyarados said you dont meen THE mafia?

Tyranitar said ran bu the mafia on double!

Excadrill said he likes ric krispies and farting

Gyarados said ill drop all innocent charges against you. we must discuss this matter. salamence, you stay here and run the pub for a bit

Salamence said YES SIR!

(in the pub garden

Aegislash said i dont like rice krispies very much, i prefer shadow corn flakesS

Excadrill said you just want to jerk off to the corn flakes hen

Aegislash said fool! the corn flakes hen is hot! hotter than any of your feebled carrots you shove up your stinky bumhole

Tyranitar said do carrots make you fart in the dark said?

Excadrill said cum rain or shine, tyrnitar will fart yay!

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Pickle Gyarados said stop talking about the cerial mascots and telll about the mafia

Tyranitar said he claime hat he was working with for the evil twin and he could declare another civil war unless you didnt hand over the treaure

Garchomp said buried seamen?

Gyarados said the evil twin and bisharp both have steaks in da mafia. evil wants to use the mafia against me, and bisharp wants to use them against those who resisit eviction.

Tyranitar said does that mean bisharp would have used the mafia if we resisted eviction.

Tyranitar said steak adn kiddy pie?

Excadrill said ur fat

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Aegislash said greedybutts, you already had a light steak pie at da dungeons

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Gyarados said no! the mafia becaame powerful not long after you started working for me.

Tyranitar said what is the treasure which the evil mafia is trying to get from you?

Gyarados said it's a very long story. me and the mafia don double discovered it not long after the civil war. i promised him steak when we discovered it. however, the mafia don double shared his future business plans with me.

i coudnt take them. they were too evil. i refused to do business with him/

Excadrill said but he said that he would have sold it at da market

Garchomp said we could give it to salakemcen. he knows how to make some pecious gold

Gyarados said it's not as simple as that. like salamence and what you lot try to be, the mafia don double sell junk!

Tyranitar said we were twice the junk dealers salamence is

Gyarados said hence why you lost your van and stuck with me

Tyranitar said i had a dream where salamence died and i turned the pub into a cheese shop. it was glorious

Gyarados said that's horrible! i would rather go to prison than have you run my pub

Tyranitar said please can I turn the pub into a cheese shop?

Gyarados said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOucan't

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Gyarados said though the mafia don double always wanted to run a mafia. he is evil. wefell out and he turned to the evil twin

Excadrill said what was which was so important?

Gyarados said to tell you the truth...

...the oil was neevr a lie!

Aegislash said THEN WHAT WAS THEY FOOLISH OLIVE LIQUIS YOU GAVE US!?

Gyarados said you lot were getiing annoying in bribibibibibibibibbibing me to give you 3 dinks. so i played a trick on you.

Garchomp said yo ho ho, you have to have ur beerz on da expensiv

Gyarados said the real oil was in betty this whole time

Tyranitar said so that's why your tail always looked so shiny when you got out of betty

Gyarados said this is some of the strongest and most valuable oil available. the mafia don double never found aany other way of finding it

Excadrill said what re we going to do with it? sell it at fa market for well ovr £2?

Gyarados said NOOOOOOOOOOOO! you're going to perform the same i trick i performed on you. you wil hand them olive oyal!

Aegislash said THATS A FUCKING PATHETIC AND SPINELESS IDEA! they will catch on and use the feebled twin to pwn you!

Gyarados said for all they would know, the oil was always olive oil. tthey would be too fucking stoopid to know the difference!

(they re-enter the pub)

Garchomp said bown hte man down, we lost the van

Excadrill said gyarados know sthat alreadys. hwo are we going to get yo to the dungeons?

Garchomp said NOT THE DUNGEONS!

Gyarados said youll be getting bus and thats da end of it

Salamence said you're not using da merc. youll probablt do a stinky poo in it

GarchomP said yar har har, we could scrub your cars poop deek

Gyarados said the only thing youll be scrubing is the pub tables' gum

Tyranitar said nates not fart, we had tryinf day. you should go to prison for your poor treeat ment towordz us

Gyarados said PWISON!

Excadrill said can we go to bed? we hve trying day ahhed of us

Aegislash said i want to have a midnight fight

Gyarados said after you trick the mafia, you'll be continuting with your duties at the pub as usual

Garchomp said yo ho ho, i want to do a doodee!

Tyranitar said this is why i the pub should turn into a chedder shop. the place would be fun and legal

Salamence said the pub turning into a chedder shop? what a stupid idea! sich an idea coming from a peasant isnt surprising!

Garchomp said yar har har, lets clean the gum of the tables

Excadrill said fine...lets clean the cum off the taables.

Gyarados said stop contantly saying what youll be doing. we heard the first time

Aegislash said i hoe gyarados got a rotten raddish from the tooth fairy

Gyarados said as a matter of fact, I GOT £2! now get on with your fucking work!

Aegislash said hmph!

THE ENXT NEXT FUCKING DAY

(the next fucking day, at the bus)

Salamence said none of you reveal that this is actually olive oil!

Gyarados said especially you tubby!

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Excadrill said come on, let's leave this dump.

Gyarados said OI! it's MY dump!

Tyranitar said 1 + 1 = CHUGGEN!

(the bus enters, the bus driver is looking cross)

Bus Driver said FARE!

Excadrill said here, 10 coco cookies with shit centres!

Aegislash said i want to sit next to a wagon who will appreciate my darkness nature

Bus Driver said i think there should be all female busses where they get in for free

Excadrill said ya, so you can drive it into a dark alley and touch them up!

Excadrill said grB em by da pusy

Bus Driver said just sit down and stop talking to me.

Tyranitar said ...smelly

Bus Driver said pot calling kettle black. i wont say orange because the show has used marmolade jokes 69 times too many

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Garchomp said i want a bus!

Bus Driver said the show all uses i want too much. the characters are terrible roles models

(he picks his nose and almost crashes into another car (psst it was bisharp's car))

(they arrive at da dinge dungeons)

Excadrill said thanks bus driver

Bus Driver said I hope i never have to see yyou again

Aegislash said i hope a seagull does a big fat stinky poo on your bus!

(the bus driver drives off crying) (aw)#

Tyranitar said who would give a dumb fat man control over a bus?

Excadrill said who would give a fat orange narcissist control over anything?

Aegislash said the mafia don double can't even destroy the WORLD properly!

Excadrill said fine, let's go into the dungeons

Garchomp said NOT THE DUNGEONS!

(in the dungeons) (NOT THE DUNGEONS)

Tyranitar said the basement sure looks dark

Incineroar said OI! ONLY AUTHORISED PERSONAL ARE ALLOWED IN BEER!

Honchkrow said fear not, they're with us! i see your brought the oil!

Garchomp said yar har har its in betty the barrel!

Aegislash said FOOL! Betty has a bow!

Honchkrow said the mafia don double is in his room. he will only meet you if you endure a series of cchallenges.

Tyranitar said but that might break the barrelw tiht eh oil in it

Excadrill said you just want to get out of doing exercise

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Lycanroc said No ARGUING! COMPLETE THE CHALLENGES!

Excadrill said fine, lets go!

(tyranitar, excadrill, aegislash and garchomp get the oil through a number of obstacles in order to reach the evil twin, 17no and Lycanroc first throw a series of hats for them to dodge, followed by a round of golf balls.

they then have to traverse through a pool of dirty dirt n rockz, then a room covered in ciggarette smoke, and finally a series of blaster bullets.) (phew what a wild ride)

Tyranitar said thankfully we get through one done fun piece.

Excadrill said it was REALLY tough n rough though.

Aegislash said the blaster pellets had better have been the final trial! otherwise i will perform a dark counterattack on everyone who was mean to ME!

(they enter the mafia don double''s room, an old sight awaits them!)

Aegislash said MECHA FEEBLED TWIN! im going to kill you again! FOOOOOOOL!

Garchomp said yar har hr, pirate enemy sword fight! DRA YWER SWORDZ!

Mafia Don Double said mumble mumble i remember the fatefool day you became mumble million men!

(the mafia don double teleports in front of mecha evil twin!

Tyranitar said here is the barrel, dont cremate me!

Aegislash said i want to beat mecha evil twin to a pulP! HE SHOULD DIE for resisting my dark power!

Mafia Don Double said mumble mecha evil twin isnt active, he mumble is here as a keepsake!

Tyranitar said a keepsake for what? how evil you are?

Mafia Don Double said mumble, the mecha mumble broke when my power source had become mumble possible.

Tyranitar said im hungry, can I quick;y grab a steak and kiddy pie?

Garchomp said yo ho ho, get me a baeef sandwitch

Excadrill said what power source?

Mecha Mafia Don Double said your millions

Tyranitar said we earnt that millions, we should get it back.

Garchomp said blow the man down, there's no place like the puub!

Tyranitar said it's alrgitht for you, gyarados isnt as mean to you! we have to do a STUPID dance to keep alive during a fire!

Evil Twin said hmm, le hearty dance. zat iz so gyarados, not chan!

Bisharp said the mafia don double invited all steakholderz for tea AND to view you lot hand over the oil guvner!

Aegislash said ihope you get tummy ache from eating roar steak

Lycanroc said any silly tricks willbe documented!

Excadrill said this is terrible. all the baddies are here

Raichu said what aboutme?

Aegislash said you're the biggest tractor of them all! YOU FILMED A DOCUMENTARY WHERE I LOSt tHE POKER GAM!

Excadrill said she was just confused!

Evil Twin said raichu, vot iz ze meeanign of this croissant behaviour! u tawld me that ze filez gawt lost. i gave eveeerythin to you waifu. i zet you zeep inze zame bed as me!

Tyranitar said i bet evil twin wets the bed!

Evil Twin said CURSES!

Tyranitar said what made the millions so special 2 u?

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble,, once we could create a distraction for you to lose the millions, we could send a sewer rat to recalaim them and mumble become a mafia!

Alola Raticate burped and said could i have another burger?

Aegislash said FOOL! you made us loose the millions and live with captainneedz the wash!

Garchomp said yar har har gyarados is such a baefy capn

Mafia Don Double said mumble all the events of season 1 built up to me becoming mumble mumble mafia don!

Garchomp said blow the man down, the mafia don double was always meant to have the buried seamen!

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble, i learnt about the type of van you had and impersonated you for an extra mumble set of keas. i gave them to the evil twin. mumble tht was how he was able to steel the mumble vehicool.

Aegislash said I BET U HAVE NITZ?

Mafia Don DOuble said that mumble was to test your inteelligance! mumble mumble, i was also the one to give your mother the hat tyranitar!

Tyranitar said oh wow im so hungry

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble, i wanted to cut to the chase to see if you could sell junk and make mumble millions. i put the statues in the dinge dungeons mumble bin for garchomp to grab

Garchomp said salamence made a tidy profit from those statues. we had a salty sea party

Tyranitar said we should hae made the millions from the statues. shame the ones i had broke

Mafia Don Double said i didn't expect that to fail either mumble mumble. i put the golf set in the cupboard to see if you could perhaps mumble profit from a career in sport

Excadrill said shame, i rather liked playing golf as a million man

Tyranitar said i find sex a more interesting activity which involves shoving

Excadrill said ya, a sex doll

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Mafia Don Double said i decided to mumble taake advantage of THAT FAGGOT GYARADOS' STINGINESS and try your intelligence again with the mumble oil. i poured the olive oil into the cellar to give the limey the idea to

trick you. to my mumble diasspapaiitnement, you never asked gyarados where the reel mumble oil was.

Tyranitar said can we go now? the real oil is here!

Excadrill said we should reclaim the millions!

Aegislash said i want to dinsintergrate mecha evil twin!

Tyranitar said yeah, but i dont want to listen to the mafia don double anymore

Mafia Don Double said mumble i next decided to see how you'd fare selling junk overseas. mumble scottish island, france or even your home in australia! i dumped the mumble cigs in the bin where garchomp found them on

the same day gyarados provided the voucherz! however, mumble you forget the cigz when you fell out the plane

Evil Twin said i remember le chan day. such bon memoriez

Garchomp said I MISS THE SEA!

Aegislash said i think you should spend ur final days in the shit factory!

Excadrill said but why did you make garchomp fall on da bananba reel feel peel when he fell off da eiffel tower!

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble, i wanted to see how you would fare trying to save your mumble friend. however, gyarados upsated mumble you again

Bisharp said could i stop you for a second guvnor

Mafia Don Double said mumble, what is it old friend?

Bisharp said they're not the austrealian ones zi m i am guvner!

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble rice krispies!

Tyranitar said looks like we have been outsmarting your smelly schemes!

Aegislash said call yourselve a mafia don? your a mafia dung!

Tyranitar said nice one aegislash!

Excadrill said wait a second, if you dumped the dsattues in da bin, why didnt you just seel them 4 urself!

Mafia DOn Double said mumble, we used to sell junk. however, we lost our licence after selling mumble my first drugs kits. mumble, that was when i relied on the evil twin and bisharp for backing. mumble, i claimed that if they

paid protection money, i would do good deeds for each mumble business and pay interest when i became a mafia doon

Garchomp said blow the man down, no junk deleaer can be as good as salamince

Excadrill said all salamence does is FUCKING CHEAT!

Tyranitar said if only we got r big brekky first, gyarados would love us

Excadrill said u said big brekky cause ur fat and love yummy food

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Mafia Don Doon DOuble Ttrouble said mumble, i then wanted to prove your loyalty to the pub and remove evil's opponent. mumble, i thought that i could send scizor to get killed, get gyarados arrested, have evil steal the formula

and mumble you prove your loyalty and rescue gyarados from mumble prison

Gyarados said PWISON!

Garchomp said yar har har, we used r kindlee krew teamwork to get rid of da body

Mafia Don Double said mumble, however the faggot gyarados got himself out of the trouble. you were mumble useless when getting rid of the body, and evil and bisharp were fine mumble for wasting police time

GarchomP said but excadrill got the sticky icky glue, of course he was a useful shopmate

Evil said le mafia don amibogo was no longer in le position to pay for le fine money, NOT CHAN!

Bisharp said we were next told to win the lottery, using hydreigon as a laakcuy to give us the winning number guvner!

Mafia Don Double said mumble, hydreigon was with us untl u win the mumble lottery. (fartz) i had mumble given up on you lot by then and wanted to win the mumble lottery.

bISHARP said we had a kangaroony bust0up and decided to keep the lottery for ourselves.

Mafia Don Double said mumble yes. thankfully, i was able to pay you mumble when i got the millions.

Aegislash said ha! even feebled twin and greddy bisharp hated you! ur so smelly with ur stinky fartz! i bet even ur mummy drenches you in shadow!

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble, i created mecha evil twin to take the millions if evil twin and mumble bisharp got resistant

Aegislash said RESISTANCE IS FUEL

Mafia Don DOuble said i then mumble used it to take the millions of mumble you lot. however, mumble you beaten me using the power of muble teemwork. i was mumble proud of you, so i let you be million man for mumble

a few moneths

Tyranitar said i think we should have stayed as million man foreers 4ea 4eva!

Excadrill said but y were u proud of us? evil people should only be proud in themselves!

Raichu said yeah! explain yourself mafia don double?

Mafia Don Double said mumble, i was proud of you because you 3 r my sons!

Honchkrow said...i had da feeleing

Lycanroc said ...they each had had some of his qualities.

Tyranitar said how could we all be brothers then?

Mafia Don DOuble said mumble, i wannted to make a mumble mafia ever since gyarados cucked me. i decided to create a child who could be a mumble heir. i mumble disguised as a milkman and fucked the most popular lady

in that street, which happened to be mumble your mother tyranitar.

Garchomp said yar har har that meant you got plenty of milk growing up

Mafia Don Double said mumble rice krispies. i left your mother after i learnt that there was another mumble man in her life. i wanted to mumble let you mature until you got involeved in my life. mumble after a few years though.

i realised that i couldnt give all my skills to you. i farted during the affairr. that was mumble when i knew that this was the main skill is passed down

Excadrill said so that's why tyranitar tartz alot

Tyranitar said (laugh now)

Mafia Don Double said mumble i thenn dedciided to teleport to a new lover who i had mumble laid my eyes upon. this lady had a crush on mumble me. that lady was ur mum mumble aegislash. that was when i knew i had mumble

shared down my ability to teleport.

Aegislash said FOOL! that means im a bastard!

Tyranitar said dont worry aegislash, the mafia don trouble is the only bastard (this one's is for the channel 4 moments)

Garchomp said blown the man down, what about little bud?

Excadrill said MY NAME'S NOT LITTLE BUD!

Mafia Don Double said mumble, a year later i wanted to round my childlren off as a trio. i fell mumble in love with a lady, had mumble sexy sex with her, and gave birth to you excadrill. i was reluctant to get up after the mumble

knight we hoit it off!

Excadrill said like i how i hat waking up! ITS SO ANNOYING!

Excadrill said cum 2 think off it, i o rememeber having memeorys of an organe tyranitatr

Raichu said does this mean you're my uncle?

Mafia Don Double said mumble yes. but i dont care about you, yore just a mumble lapdof

Evil Twin said indeed, she iz le not kawaii traitor. she is going attached to the amigos at le goody goody pub.

Mafia Don Double said mumble i codenamed you snap, crackle and pop, after the rice krispies. tyranitar was pop due to the farting, excadrill was snap due to the mumble small size and aegislash was crackle.

Excadrill said oh snap, im snap

Tyranitar said im pop due to how im pooping with excitement

Aegislash said I want to be called crumble instead!

Garchomp said is a mafia don a cap'n?

Mafia Don Double said however, mumble after the exploits i used to test your mumble characters, i was disappointed an decided to disown you! the last time you were mumble useful to me was when you won the lottery.

pergaps you became soft after that time in mumble australian

Bisharp said i told u b4 guvner! ner not austrialian

Tyranitar said garadose was a better father than you are smelly!

Excadrill said you just want r millions! since then we were pulled back into the innocent pub!

Mafia Don DOuble said 17no, salvatory!

Honchkrow said you called!

Lycanroc said awaiting orders!

Garchomp said yo ho ho, i did da stinky fart!

Honchkrow said kor! so i can smell!

Tyranitar said oi! mine are smellier!

Mafia Don Double said mumble, mine are the smelliest! now take the oil!

Lycanroc said yes sir!

(they begin taking the oil barrel away, evil and bisharp grin about the yummy winnings theyll get)

Mafia Don Double said mumble gyarados can consider all forgiven! there are mumble very fine people in botht eh innocent pub and evil pub

Garchomp said yar har har, its actually olive oil!

Excadrill said YOU IDIOT!

Aegislash said we''ll have another dark war because of you!

Evil said that lying le tratior! not chan!

Tyranitar said why garchomp?

Garchomp said yo ho ho, im rly rly honest!

Mafia Don Double said mumble i knew it would come to this. we shall declare mumble war on the innocent pub. evil twin, raichu, you make a mumble broadcast. AS FOR YOU AUSTRALIAN FAGGOTS!

Honchkrow said buts boss! their ur children!

Mafia Don Double said SILENCE SEEVENTEENO! they have turned mumble soft since they worked for gyarados!

Tyranitar said we're the kindly krew! we wont be defeeted by anyone!

(the mafia don double kicks american, or should i say, australian dad in the nuts) (ow!)

Tyranitar said OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Excadrill said looks like u rly did get defeeted!

(the mafia don double chases after them but clever main 3 run to the other side)

Raichu said this could be a gr8 scoop!

(the evil twin brakes the stupid camera and slaps raichu)

Evil Twin said we cant expose le mafia waifu!

Garchomp said blow the man down, the mafia don double is 2 good 4 us!

Honchkrow said hey, i think i can see pop on the trap door. i could take care of him from beer!

Lycanroc said NO STOP! IT'S ACTUALY!

(he pulls the button. the mafia don double runs to the trap door and falls in)

Mafia Don Double said CURSES! mumble rice krispies!

(he is fed to the crocoz)

Honchkrow said WHAT HAE I DONE!?

Lycanroc said you killed r don!

Excadrill said is the mafia no more?

Tyranitar said MOAR!

Evil Twin said curses! we're now ze useless without le mafia amigos

Aegislash said considering how the mafias pathetic minions put their own leader into the dark pur pit of dis pear, they were uselss to begin with!

Tyranitar said indeed

Honchkrow said snap, crackle, pop, listen! the mafia don double said yesterday that you would be the heirs to the mafia if something happened to him.

Aegislash said huh?

Excadrill said but he tried to hurt us

Lycanroc said he was just upset. like we said, he doesnt give traitors kinder eggs

GarchomP said blown the man down, everyone deserves a kinder egg!

Honchkrow said under the don's own wishes, the mafia is now yours. we are now under your command.

Aegislash said i want to run the mafia.

Lycanroc said our mafia law states that the oldest of the siblings get to be in charge

Tyranitar said cool, im da don! meaning everyone does as i say.

Evil Twin said IIIIIIIIIIII CURSES! id rather le try than get told what to do by gyarados' amigos. ill be back waifus! come raichu!

Raichu said im a good grill now, im going to jooin the mafia

Evil Twin said greeduy le butts!

(he leaves)

Bisharp said i'll never live to see the day when i get orders from ex-rentboys! pasta la vista!

Bus Driver said bosharp wait!

Bisharp said what is it guvner?

Bus Driver said i fell in love with you when i first saw you!

Bisharp said i never met you but i love you yoo tpp too!

Bus Driver said ill buy you a packet of maltesers!

Bisharp said sweet guvner!

(they leaves holding hands!)

Excadrill said poop! we lost r stakeholders!

Tyranitar said dont worry, i knw a certain pair of smugglers who will need r help!

Aegislash said who?

(gyarados and salamence come in, they are carrying bedding labeled bags)

Gyarados said we had da hunch that garchomp woulf snitch on you!

Salamence said we will defend the pub from another civil WAR! we'll fight back with pillows!

GarchomP said yar har har, good dayslalamence!

TYranitar said the mafia don double is dead for real!

Excadrill said all thanks to a silly mistake dumb move by one of his evil minions!

Honchkrow said we were baddies! although we learnt the error of r ways when we ate with u at da dinge dungeons

Lycanroc said you lot were frens and had fun!

Honchkrow said the mafia don double was in it for dtha monay ad food! you seem to work as a kindly kew!

Lycanroc said we are in ur service!

Raichu said as am i! i hate the evil twin!

Excadrill said ill be sure to find a place for you raichu!

Aegislash said i want my pwr money back!

Honchkrow said the amount in these credit cards has increased since you left!

Aegislash said decent! that means more lipstik!

Garchomp said um more sweetzS

Gyarados said so this means that u wont be working for me anymore!

Tyranitar said nats write

GYarados said u didnt do much anyway

Salamence said this might mean that the evil twin works for u noW!

Gyarados said if you like the evil twin! i will eat you and prevent you having from having da millionsS!

Tyranitar said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Excadrill said dont worry, the evil twin a nd bisharp left after realising that were the new mafia!

Gyarados said good, now ill sign up for your service!

Salamence nya nya NYAAAA! tht means no more prison woes!

Gyarados said PWISON!

Gyarados said please could you kill evil twin for me?

Tyranitar said if we do, will you turn the pub into a cheese shop?

Gyarados said the evil twin will never get da formula anyway!

Tyranitar said you dont have to pay us for our services!

Gyarados said wasnt going to!

Excadrill said but we need to have 3 dinks!

Gyarados said...

Salamence said BASIL! we cant risk going to jail, or tyranitar's stupid fantasy of turning the pub into a cheddar shop will come true!

Gyarados said fine! but all bbets r off if you ask for bed n brekky!

Garchomp said yo ho ho, i want a bed n brekky

Tyranitar said no u dont!

Aegislash said JA! that means we're going to tell u wat to do all the time?

Gyarados said you still cant beat me at crards though

(he leaves)

(salamence observes their credit cards)

Salamence said i see, so you got them baclK! maybe we could talk about the good ol days over a coniac!

Tyranitar said B CARFUL who u call uggy in maddle school

(he leaves as well)

Excadrill said salamence is only being nice to use becuz were now rich!

GarchomP said but salamence was alwys nice!

Aegislash said slamanec is a big fat bully boy! he has alot of shadow redemption to do!

Tyranitar said right, time for you all to learn your new roles!

Raichu said is everyone getting paid?

Tyranitar said uh sure. im the boss

Garchomp said MAAAAAAN THE JOLLY RODGER!

Tyranitar said Garchomp is the right hand man!

Garchomp said yo ho ho, its a big baefers life for me!

Tyranitar said poo is the left han man!

Aegislash said i hope left hand has more power than the right hand. a feebled ranscallion like garchomp cant tell me what to do!

pop said eexcadrill ur my lawyer!

Excadrill said sweat! i always want to be a lawyer!

Tyranitar said raichu, you carry excadrill's lunchbox!

Raichu said this is the greatest day of my life! can i have a new camera!

Tyranitar said get ur own!

Excadrill said ill get you one. that meand you can film me saving tyranitar and gyarados fronm getting arrested! then ill be shown as da tru hero!

Raaichu said ur so sweat cousin!

Tyranitar said salvatory, 17no, you run the army. you will also call us by hour new names, not snap crackle and poop!

Honchkrow said YES BOSS!

Lycanroc said i'll make sure everyothing in shit shaped with the army boss!

(they leabves)

Tyranitar said i will now give our father a proper sending!

Aegislash said im going to kill da crocos!

Excadrill said yeah, what if we end falling in da trap door!

(they shoot them with da finger blastter sticks)

(homer grabs da match)

Tyranitar said farewell daddy. snap krackle and pop will make the mafia the gr8est rice krispy bowl ever!

(he burns a turd left by the crocos)

(in the inferno, the turd gives tyranitr big salute)

(the mafia don double loved snap crackle and pop really)

Tyranitar said lets celebrate by going to fat donalds!

Aegislash said decent, i rather fancied a shadow burger!

Garchomp said yar har har, you can never have enough baef!

Excadrill said fine, lets go!

(they head on down to fatdonalds which flies away)

Tyranitar said...lets just go home!

(they go home, sad. they forgotten that theyre now the most powerful men in tallkey!)

(AN: WELL DONE BRAVO! YOU HAVE FIFNISHED WATCHIN A BIT OF THIS AND A BIT OF THATS STORY! I CRIED AT THE PART WHEN POP BURNED HIS DADDY IN THE FORM OF A TURD! Although there are more tales to teell. the fun isnt over. A movie is on the wya way, and some adventures may have happpened before conk died miserably. Stay tuned more fore more action! YAY!)


End file.
